TERM 2 - etiquette ii - CLASS 3
RIGHTS OF CHILDREN
CHILDREN'S RIGHTS & ETIQUETTES TOWARDS THEM
Allaah has given children rights over their parents just as the parents have rights over their children.
The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said, “… and your child has rights over you.” (Sahih Muslim).
The child’s rights over their parents include some that come even before the child is born and others after he/she is born.
1. Choosing a righteous partner to be a righteous mother/father.
We discussed in the previous class about how one should choose a Wife/Husband, who is committed to Islam. As parents are the major source of molding the child it absolutely necessary that we have to choose a righteous partner who would help bring up good child who can become a source of Sawaab-e-Jaariya for the parents and not the opposite (May Allah save us all from that).
2. Reciting the Dua before having intercourse
When a man has intercourse with his wife, he should say:
BISMILLAH, ALLAHUMMA JANNIBNAA AL-SHAYTAAN WA JANNIB AL-SHAYTAAN MAA RAZQTANAA
In the name of Allaah, O Allaah Keep us away from the Shaytaan and keep the Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our children).
The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: “If Allaah decrees that they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never harm him.”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/187)
3. It is Sunnah to do tahneek for the child when he is born
Tahneek is to chew a Date and put the paste in the child’s mouth.
The scholars are agreed that it is mustahabb to do tahneek with dates for the child when he is born; if that is not possible then to use some similar kind of sweet. The dates should be chewed until they become soft enough to be swallowed, then the child’s mouth should be opened and a little of the dates put in his mouth.
4. The child should be given a good name
There are four categories of good names:
i) The first (best) category is the names ‘Abd-Allaah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan. It was reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: “The most beloved of names to Allaah are ‘Abd-Allaah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan.” (Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh, 1398).
ii) The second category is all the names which express enslavement to and worship of Allaah, such as ‘Abd al-Azeez, ‘Abd al-Raheem, ‘Abd al-Malik, ‘Abd al-Ilaah, ‘Abd al-Salaam, etc.
iii) The third category is the names of Prophets and Messengers – may the peace and blessings of Allaah be upon them. Undoubtedly the best and greatest of them is our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ; the name Ahmad is also one of his names. Next come the names of the “Messengers of strong will” [cf. Al-Ahqaaf 46:35], namely Ibraaheem, Moosa, ‘Eesa and Nooh (may the peace and blessings of Allaah be upon them), then the rest of the Prophets - may the peace and blessings of Allaah be upon them. It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: “A child was born to me last night and I called him by the name of my father Ibraaheem.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2315)
iv) The fourth category is the names of righteous slaves of Allaah, above all the companions of our noble Prophet ﷺ
It is mustahabb to use their names, following their example and hoping to reach a higher status.
It is mustahabb to name the child on the seventh day, but there is nothing wrong with naming him on the day of his birth, because of the hadeeth quoted above.
The basic principle concerning names is that they are permissible, but there are some matters which are prohibited according to sharee’ah and should be avoided when choosing names. These include the following:
Prohibited (Haram) Names: -
Enslavement to or worship of anything other than Allaah, including Prophets and angels. Among the names which express enslavement to or worship of anything other than Allaah are ‘Abd al-Rasool (“slave of the Messenger”), ‘Abd al-Nabi (“slave of the Prophet”) and ‘Abd al-Ameer (slave of the prince) and other names which imply worship of or submission to anything other than Allaah. The person who has a name like this must change it.
Names of Allaah which are befitting only for Him, may He be glorified, such as al-Khaaliq (the Creator), al-Raaziq (the Provider), al-Rabb (the Lord), al-Rahmaan (the Most Merciful), etc., which are names that befit only Allaah; names which describe attributes which are true only of Allaah, such as Malik al-Mulook (King of kings), al-Qaahir (the Subduer), etc. It is haraam to call people by these names, and they must be changed.
Names that belong exclusively to the kuffaar and are not used by anyone else, such as ‘Abd al-Maseeh (“slave of the Messiah”), Butrous (Peter), Jurjus (George), and other names which denote religions of kufr.
Names of idols and false gods which are worshipped instead of Allaah, such as naming someone after a devil and so on.
It is not permissible to call people after the names referred to above; indeed, doing so is haraam and anyone who has such a name is obliged to change it.
Makrooh (disliked) Names: -
It is makrooh (disliked) to use names which have off-putting meanings, either because the meaning is ugly or because it will provoke others to make fun of the person.
It is makrooh to deliberately name someone after immoral people such as singers and actors/actresses, etc. If they have good names, it is permissible to use those names, but it must be because of the meaning of the name and not because of the desire to imitate those people.
It is makrooh to use any name which is added to the words “al-Deen” or “al-Islam” (i.e., names which appear in idaafah – genitive construction – with these words), such as Noor al-Deen (“light of the religion”), Shams al-Deen (“sun of the religion”), Noor al-Islam (“light of Islam”), Shams al-Islam (“sun of Islam”), etc., because these names give a person more than he deserves. The scholars of the Salaf disliked being given nicknames of this sort.
It is makrooh to add any word to the name of Allaah except the word ‘Abd (slave), as in ‘Abd-Allaah (Abdullah). Example of this include Hasab-Allaah, Rahmat-Allaah (the mercy of Allaah), etc. It is similarly makrooh to add words to the word al-Rasool (the Messenger).
It is makrooh to use the names of angels, or to call people after the names of soorahs in the Qur’aan, such as Ta-Ha, Yaa-Seen, etc. These names are al-Huroof al-Muqatta’ah (letters which appear at the beginning of some soorahs; their meaning is known only to Allaah – Translator), they are not names of the Prophet ﷺ.
These names are makrooh, and it is makrooh to give them to anyone. But if a person has been given such a name by his family, and he is grown up and it is difficult for him to change it, he does not have to do so.
5. Shave the child’s head on the 7th day & to give the weight of the hair in silver in charity
It was narrated that ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib said: The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ slaughtered a sheep as the ‘aqeeqah for al-Hasan, and he said, “O Faatimah, shave his head and give the weight of his hair in silver in charity.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1519)
6. Aqeeqah
Two sheep should be sacrificed for a boy and one for a girl.
It was narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub that the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: “Every child is in pledge for his ‘aqeeqah which should be slaughtered for him on the seventh day, his head should be shaved and he should be named.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2838)
7. Circumcision
Get the male child circumcised on the seventh day after birth. However, if for some reason the operation is put off, it is obligatory to get the circumcision performed before the male child reaches the age of seven. Circumcision is part of Islamic faiths.
8. When the child learns to speak, teach him first of all to recite La illaaha ill Allah
The first of what the child begins with in speech, it is upon al-waalidayn (the father and mother), to teach him Kalimatut-Tawheed, and to instruct to it.
Ibn Abbaas (May Allah be pleased with his father and him) narrates that An-Nabiyy (the Prophet) ﷺ said: ((Establish upon your children the first statement, Laa Ilaaha Illallah and instruct them at the time of death Laa Ilaaha Illallah)).
Umm Sulaym (May Allah be pleased with her), used to teach her son Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) to say: Laa Ilaaha Illallah (There is no god deserving of worship in truth except Allah). Say: I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, and that was before Al-Fitaam (the end of 2 year suckling or nursing period of a baby from his mother).
It must be repeated in front of him, and this is pertaining to the mother and she plays with him. It then becomes habitual. To bring about understanding, she explains to him a simple explanation teaching him its meaning.
The child knows that Allah is One, and He has no partner(s). He is Al-Khaaliq (The Creator). He is above the heavens, and He rises above His Arsh (Throne). He is fully aware (in sight and knowledge) over us and knowledgeable of our affairs. He hears and sees. Verily He is Al-Qaadir (His will and decree is over everything).
Trusting upon Allah becomes habitual and Allah is Ash-Shaafee (the One Who cures and gives good health). It is obligatory upon us to love Him and to worship Him. Likewise, the child is to be taught to love An-Nabiyy ﷺ, and to obey him. He is to be told something regarding his (An-Nabiyy) behaviour and his traits. That he loved children and played with them and similar to that of what she teaches him of their understanding.
It is repeated upon them: ((Who is your Lord? Who is your Prophet? What is your Religion?)) and ((Where is Allah?)).
9. Feed the child on your breast-milk
The mother owes this obligation to the child. The Qur’an has made repeated references to this favor of the mother to her child and has enjoined the pious to treat their mothers with extraordinary devotion in return for their favor.
10. Avoid frightening the children.
The fright instilled in the mind of the child in the early years overshadows his mind and intellect for the remainder of his life and these children usually prove incapable of achieving extraordinary success in life.
11. Make it a point not to shout at, reproach or rebuke children on every trifling matter. Make an affectionate endeavor to train the children to form good habits with devotion and good sense instead of expressing annoyance or contempt on the faults of children, however, act in such a way that children must remain in fear that you will not tolerate any of their actions which do not conform to the dictates of religion.
12. Always treat your children with affection, love and tenderness. Keep them happy by providing for their needs and requirements according to your means.
13. Pat the heads of children with affection; take them up and seat them in your laps, fondle them and treat them in good humour. Do not rule over them as an irate tyrant. Such an attitude stunts the growth of affectionate sentiments towards parents in the hearts of children, destroys their self-confidence and adversely affects the development of their inborn faculties.
14. Educate your children in piety and honesty
Concentrate all your efforts to train and educate your children in piety and honesty and consider the greatest sacrifice too little to achieve this purpose. This is an obligation laid upon you by religion; it is a favour you owe to your children; and it is the greatest good that you can do to yourself.
15. Educating them first about their religion.
Parents must take care of teaching their children the duties of Islam and other virtues that are recommended in sharee’ah, and worldly matters that they need in order to live a decent life in this world.
The man should start by teaching them the most important things, then the next most important. So he starts by teaching them correct ‘aqeedah, free from shirk and bid’ah. Then he teaches them the acts of worship, especially prayer. Then he teaches them and trains them in good manners and characteristics, and everything that is good.
16. At the age of seven make them pray
Teach the child to pray when he is seven years old, and smack him if he does not pray when he is ten.” al-Tirmidhi,
17. Training in good manners and characteristics
Every father and mother should train their children in praiseworthy characteristics and good manners, whether towards Allaah, His Prophet the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ, towards their Qur’aan and ummah, and with everyone whom they know and who has rights over them. They should not behave badly with those whom they mix with, their neighbours or their friends.
18. Spending on them
This is one of the father’s obligations towards his children; it is not permissible for him to fall short in that or to neglect this matter, rather he is obliged to do this duty in the fullest sense.
The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: “It is sufficient sin for a man if he neglects those on whom he is obliged to spend.” (Abu Dawood)
19. Separate their beds on reaching 10.
When the children attain the age of ten years, give them. separate beds to• sleep in. The Prophet ﷺ said, “When your children are seven years old, urge them to observe prayers. When they attain the age of ten and neglect saying prayers, punish them, and after this age provide Separate beds for them to sleep in.” (Abu Dawood & Ahmad)
20. Always keep your children clean and neat.
Take care that they are clean, neat and bathed. Keep their dress pure and clean. However, avoid excessive adornment or ostentation in dressing up children. Keep the dress of h female child simple and clean. Do not spoil the nature of your children by dressing them up in gaudy and flamboyant clothes.
21. Do not point out the faults of your children in the presence of others and strictly abstain from degrading or hurting the self-respect of your children.
22. Do not express your dismay at reforming your children in their presence. Instead praise them generously even for their ordinary virtues in order to boost up their morale. Make constant endeavours to encourage them, and to foster self-confidence and boldness in them so that they may strive for the highest goals in the field of life.
23. Keep telling the children the stories of the Prophets ﷺ, tales of the pious people (Allah be pleased with then,) and episodes of the courageous feats of the illustrious companions of the Prophet ﷺ . This must be considered an essential means of training, oiriliz lug, character-building and arousing love for religion among the young and despite countless other preoccupation.
24. Recite to them the Noble Qur’an in a sweet rhythmical voice frequently and on occasions relate to them the stirring stories and traditions of the life and work of the Prophet ﷺ.
25. Let the children distribute food or money to the poor with their own hands, so that the virtues of liberality, generosity and charity to the poor may develop in their hearts.
26. Siblings sharing food
On occasions, let brothers and sisters distribute shares of food or other eatables among themselves without your aid. This will create in them an awareness of the rights of others and accustom them to fair-dealing.
27. Do not comply with each legitimate or non-genuine desire of the children. By means of patience and common sense teach them to give up this habit. Be strict with them at times and do not turn them into obstinate and self-willed youngsters by showering excessive Jove upon them.
28. Inculcate the habit of self, help in children. They should not look to the servants to do every little job for them. This habit makes the children lazy and crippled in some ways.
29. Do not always support your own Child.
In the event of an altercation taking place among children, do not lend undue support to your own child. You must realize that the sentiments which you cherish in your heart for your child ate exactly the same which other people have for their children.
30. Show equal treatment to all your children
“Fear Allaah and treat your children fairly.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
If you are naturally drawn towards a particular child then,. of course, it’ can’t be helped. Yet in behaviour and dispensation of requirements you must show equal treatment and evenhanded justice. Do not show distinctive favour to a child to the dismay of other children. This will foster inferiority complex, hatred and frustration and all ‘4his will finally erupt into rebellious conduct. These evil sentiments greatly’ retard the development of natural faculties of a child and leave an adverse effect on the moral and spiritual growth of the child’s personality.
31. Always present a good practical model before the children. Your own life style serves as a mute and permanent precept for your children. Children constantly learn and adopt lessons from your own conduct in life. Do not tell a lie even as & matter of fun before the children.
32. Train and bring up your girls with a sense of pleasure, spiritual satisfaction and in the spirit of religion
In return for this pious service anticipate from Allah that He will admit you to the uppermost level of Paradise”. The. Prophet ﷺ has affirmed: “The man who patronizes three daughters or three sisters, educates them and teaches them good manners and behaves kindly towards them till they become independent of his care by the will of Allah , is entitled by Allah to enter Paradise.” Thereupon a person submitted: “If there be only two daughters or two sisters?’ The Prophet ﷺ affirmed: “The same reward will be given for similar conduct towards two daughters or two sisters”.
33. Make them used to Islamic way of dressing at early age
Make the girl do Hijaab at early age so that she doesnt repulse it when it is an obligation on her. Same goes for a boy, try and make him wear things that the Muslims of that community are wearing.
34. Pray for them.
Along with these practical measures, say prayers from the depths of your soul and with sincere devotion of ‘heart for your offspring. We may trust the Munificent and Kind God that He will not let earnest prayers offered by the parents out of the depth of their soul go unanswered.
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