Class 6
FORGOTTEN SUNNAHS IN FAMILIES
PARENTS
Parents’ love– it’s intense, unselfish, natural, and beautiful. And it’s an amazing gift of Allah.
In quite a few places in the Quran, Allah commands us to be good to parents right after He orders us to worship Him alone:
"And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment…” (Quran, 17:23)
On the other hand, there are relatively few instances where Allah or His Prophet ﷺ urge good treatment of children. In fact, we tend to go to the other extreme when it comes to loving our children: “And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward”. (Quran, 8:28)
It is a Major sin to be undutiful and disobedient to the parents. The Prophet ﷺ listed some of the greatest sins thus: “Associating anyone with Allah, disobedience to parents, killing a person and false utterance”. (Muslim)
You can Never Do Enough to Repay their Debts, the Prophet ﷺ said, “A son cannot ever repay his parents what he owes them”. (Muslim)
On one hand it is a great sin to be undutiful to the parents on the other hand Allah has put great rewards on being dutiful to them.
Most of the things related to good treatment to parents are actually fard (obligatory) but we will list some of the forgotten sunnahs and virtues of being good with parents.
Being the best with Parents
Now we see that most men are best with either their friends or with their wives but ﷺ said our Parents deserves our best!
Once a companion (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Prophet ﷺ as to whom he should show more kindness. The Prophet ﷺ replied: “Your mother.” He (may Allah be pleased with him) asked who comes next and the Prophet ﷺ again replied: “Your mother.” He (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Prophet ﷺ yet again who comes next. The Prophet ﷺ replied: “Your mother.” When the companion asked for the fourth time, only then did the Prophet ﷺ reply: “Your father.”
We have forgotten that what a great deed it is to be kind to our Parents
‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood (RA) said: “I asked the Prophet ﷺ which deed is most liked by Allah? He ﷺ said: ‘Prayer offered on time.’ I asked him: ‘Then what? He ﷺ said: ‘Kindness and respect towards parents.’…” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
That Paradise can be earned by serving ones Parent(s)
The Prophet ﷺ once said, ”Let that man be disgraced, and disgraced again and let him be disgraced even more.” The people enquired: “O Prophet of Allah ﷺ who is that man?” The Prophet of Allah ﷺ affirmed: “I refer to the man who finds his parents old in age – both of them or one of them – and yet did not earn entitlement to Paradise by rendering good service to them.” [Muslim]
Being good with the loved ones (relatives and friends) of one’s father
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: The finest act of goodness is that a person should treat kindly the loved ones of his father. (Sahih Muslim)
Unfortunately, we see the exact opposite of this, we see so many Muslims go to the extent of cutting family ties with the paternal relatives.
SPOUSE
Marital Bliss is a Goal of the Shariah
Islam stresses the principle of marriage to form a family and considers it one of the most meritorious acts as well as one of the practices of Allah’s prophets and messengers.
Amongst the countless and greatest blessings that Allah ﷻ has bestowed upon us, the Qur’an mentions, are love and tenderness which He has placed between spouses:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
(Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
There are many other ahadeeth that state the importance of finding conjugal happiness within the folds of marriage. The Prophet ﷺ himself said, “This whole world is an enjoyment, and its best enjoyment is a righteous wife” [Muslim].
Allah states,
“They are your garments, and you are their garments” [al-Baqarah; 187].
Combining between the various explanations of this beautiful metaphor found in the books of tafseer, we can derive many meanings from it:
The act of procreation is so intimate that it is literally as if one of the spouses covers up the other, just as clothing covers up one’s body. Another expression that the Qur’aan uses for the sexual act is the verb ghashsha, which means ‘to cover up, to envelop’.
One primary purpose of clothing is to conceal one’s nakedness, since this nakedness (or `awrah) is embarrassing to display, and should be hidden from the eyes of others. Similarly, each spouse conceals the other spouse’s faults, and does not reveal them to others.
Clothing protects one from the external elements, such as heat and cold. Similarly, spouses protect one another from external desires that originate from many different sources. By satisfying these desires within the confines of marriage, external passions are removed.
Clothing is the primary method through which humans beautify themselves. Without clothing, one is incomplete and naked. Similarly, spouses beautify and complete one another; when a person is not married, he or she is not yet complete and has not reached his or her full potential.
We see in most cases of Martial Discord, the points mentioned above are violated. Islam is a way of life and it has a solution to all problems.
To attain the Marital Bliss, we need to do things right and follow the Sunnah, we list below some of the forgotten Sunnahs with spouses
FORGOTTEN SUNAN WITH SPOUSE
Showing the best version of yourself to your wife
The Prophet ﷺ “The best of you is the one who is best to his womenfolk, and I am the best of you to my womenfolk.” (al-Tirmidhi; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani)
The husband is given great rights over his wife but has been reminded by Allah and His Messenger ﷺ to be good with his women.
It is unfortunate to see that there are many men who are seen as really good and honourable in the society, but in their homes and behind closed doors they are abusive and take undue advantage of the power and responsibility Allah has bestowed upon them.
Husbands should fear Allah, may He be exalted, with regard to their wives, and they should realise that Allah, may He be exalted, has commanded them to have a good attitude towards his wife, be kind to her and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him. And they should try hard to be a source of tranquility rather than a test. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning)
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women,…..” (Surah Nisa, Ayah 34)
“…and live with them honourably.” [al-Nisa 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
And the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ‘Be kind to women.’ (Bukhari & Muslim).
This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.
Waking her (and the family) for night prayer
The best way to live a happy married life is to love one another for the Sake of Allah, and what better way to do it than to remind, help and actually push each other to do good.
The Prophet ﷺ said: “May Allaah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses he throws water in her face.” (Reported by Ahmad). And by analogy a woman waking her husband up for the night prayer.
May Allah help us all be consistent with night prayers and give us all the hidayah to help one another to it.
Spending Quality time
Aisha (R.A.) said, “….After finishing the Prayer (night Prayer) he used to look at me and if I was awake he would talk to me and if I was asleep, he would lie down”. (Bukhari)
Saying words of Love & Affirmation
The Prophet ﷺ said to `Aisha (ra), "I am to you, like Abu Zara is to Ummi Zara - except that I would never divorce you". `Aisha (ra) replied, "You are better to me (in treatment) than Abu Zara to Ummi Zara."
This prophetic case of verbally expressing love strengthens a marriage. It makes it "tight". Saying to your wife or husband, "you mean the world to me", actually means the world to them. The Prophet ﷺ gave his wife a sweet nickname, a qunya: `Aish and frequently talked about her taqwah (devoutness to Allah) amongst his companions.
Role of a wife to have a blissful marriage
The first thing a woman should remind herself is that she is doing it for the Sake of Allah, being dutiful to the husband not only brings in peace and tranquillity in the marriage but also is the best way to enter paradise.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“If a woman does her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter whichever of the gates of Paradise you want.” (Ahmad, classed as hasan by Albani)
“Shall I not tell you about your women in Paradise?” He ﷺ said: “The loving and fertile one who, if she gets angry or is mistreated or her husband gets angry says, ‘Here is my hand in your hand, I shall not sleep until you are pleased.’” (Tabarani, classed as hasan by Albani)
And it was narrated from Husayn ibn Muhsin (may Allah be pleased with him) that his paternal aunt went to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ concerning some need and he met her need, then he ﷺ said: “Do you have a husband?” She said: Yes. He ﷺ said: “How are you with him?” She said: I do what he tells me, except what is beyond me. He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.” (Ahmad; classed as Sahih by Albani)
Related to Intimacy
Reciting the Dua before Intercourse
The Messenger ﷺ said: “When one of you wants to approach his wife, if he says (the below) If it is then decreed that they have a child (from that intercourse), Satan will never harm it. ” (Sahih Bukhari)
بِاسْمِ اللَّهِ، اللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا الشَّيْطَانَ، وَجَنِّبِ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْتَنَا
“Bismillah, Allahumma jannib nash-Shaytan, wa jannib ish-Shaytana ma razaqtana
With the Name of Allah, O Allah, keep Satan away from us, & keep him away from what You grant us
Being Gentle and beautifying oneself for the Spouse
Jabir said, “So when we were about to enter the city, the Prophet ﷺ said to me, ‘Slow down, & enter at night, so that she who has not combed may comb her hair, and she who has not shaved may shave her private area.’ Then he said to me, ‘When you enter upon her, then be wise and gentle.’” [Agreed upon].
We learn that spouses should physically beautify themselves for one another. Anything that increases the beauty and handsomeness of one spouse in front of the other is something to be encouraged. The Prophet ﷺ told the impatient Jabir that it was better for him to delay his arrival in order that his wife prepare herself for him.
Again and again, we see the frankness of the prophetic traditions, and the encouragement to enjoy intimacy in marriage.
Doing Wudoo if one intends to do it again.
“If one of you approaches his wife, and then wishes to repeat, let him do wudhu, for it will make the recurrence more energetic” [Abu Dawud].
The frank advice given makes it crystal clear that we should aim to have passionate sex lives. No less a figure than our beloved Prophet informed us of ways to increase that passion. Washing oneself after a first act invigorates the body and rejuvenates the soul, and thus helps in repeating the act again.
General Act of passion from the Sunnah
A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) says: “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ would kiss me before leaving for prayers, and he would not perform an ablution.” (Sunan al-Darqutni, 1/49 and others)
Please join our free online certificate course “BETTER HALF… BETTER LIFE”, to learn more about Etiquette of Marital Life, how to deal with conflict and more. https://learn-islam.org/better-half-better-life (available online now, register and learn).
Note these are not part of the ongoing course, it is an independent course that can be done at your own pace and at your own convenience.
CHILDREN
Children can be the best of blessings, or the worst of trials (may Allâh save us from that). They are an asset which, if not taken care of properly, will become a liability. Parents are obligated to raise and educate their children, not only to benefit them in this world, but to protect them in the Hereafter.
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Allâh will ask every shepherd (or responsible person) about his flock (those for whom he was responsible), whether he took care of it or neglected it, until He asks a man about his household.” (al-Nisaa'i & Ibn Habban, classed as sahih by Albani)
FORGOTTEN SUNNAHS WITH CHILDREN
Being Proud for being a Father of Daughters
The Prophet ﷺ said, “The man who patronizes three daughters or three sisters, educates them and teaches them good manners and behaves kindly towards them till they become independent of his care by the will of Allah , is entitled by Allah to enter Paradise.” Thereupon a person submitted: “If there be only two daughters or two sisters?’ The Prophet ﷺ affirmed: “The same reward will be given for similar conduct towards two daughters or two sisters”. (Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh, also by Tirmidhi, classed as hasan by Albani)
Dua’as to protect oneself and one’s children from Evil eye, Black Magic/Jinn and Harm
The Prophet ﷺ, would seek refuge for Hasan and Hussein, saying, “Verily, your forefather would seek refuge for Ishmael and Isaac. I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah from every devil and scourge and every harmful eye.” (Sahih Bukhari)
Unfortunately, due to lack of knowledge people end up adopting non-islamic ways and methods to protect themselves from evil eye or Jinns & Black magic. Some indulge in amulets (Taweedh), some end up lining up at some some Baba’s shrine etc. All of these practises has no basis in Islam infact many of these involve shirk.
There are many Duas that can be found in the book Hisnul Muslim.
Praying for Children to be on the straight path
Most of the parents pray for their children’s health and well being and then many pray for them to be successful, but very few pray for their guidance.
Prophet Ibrahim (AS) made the following dua for his descendants to be pious and those who submit to Allah. It’s a great dua to make for our children as well. This ayah is in Surah Baqarah, (2:128).
“Our Lord, and make us Muslims [in submission] to You and from our descendants a Muslim nation [in submission] to You. And show us our rites and accept our repentance. Indeed, You are the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful”.
Please join our free online certificate course “ISLAMIC PARENTING”, to learn more about various etiquette of Marital Life, the Love Languages, Intimacy, FAQs etc. https://learn-islam.org/parenting-mini (available online now, register and learn).
Note these are not part of the ongoing course, it is an independent course that can be done at your own pace and at your own convenience.
RELATIVES
Upholding the ties of kinship is an obligation, unanimously agreed upon by the scholars; on the flip side, severing the ties of kinship is considered a major sin. Unfortunately, it is a major sin that many people don’t realize the severity of, and engage in regularly.
There are parents who command their children to stop talking to their aunts or uncles; we see children who disrespect their elders and abandon their parents in their old age. The importance of maintaining positive relationships with extended relatives has been forgotten, despite the fact that the Qur’an and Sunnah are filled with numerous commands to do so.
{… and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)…} (Qur’an 4:1)
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ also warned us, “Whoever violates the rights of kinship shall not go Heaven.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
FORGOTTEN SUNAN WITH RELATIVES
Sunah of being kind and helpful to relatives
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Whoever wants an increase in his sustenance and that the marks of his feet remained for a long time in the world, i.e., he lived long should be kind and helpful to his relatives.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Family quarrels, which generally arise from the disregard of the relatives’ rights, affect a persons health and causes friction in homes and in the community at large. Those who treat their relatives well and are helpful to them, are free from tensions and they are happier and more peaceful.
SubhaanAllah nowadays it is so common to see that there are relatives who do not meet each other for years and years severing the kinship ties.
Being kind to the Relatives who are mean with him/her
The Prophet ﷺ said: “He does not fulfill the claim of Silah-i-Rahmi who shows kindness to relatives in return for the kindness shown to him (by them). The person who, really, fulfils the claim is he who treats his relatives well (and does this duty) even when they are mean and unjust to him (and infringe on his rights).” (Bukhari)
A man asked: O Messenger of Allaah ﷺ, I have relatives with whom I maintain ties of relations, yet they cut-off from me. I treat them kindly, they treat me in an evil manner. And I am forbearing and patient with them, yet they behave rudely and ignorantly towards me. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “If the situation is as you say, then it is as if you are filling their mouths with sand. And Allaah will continue to aid and support you as long as you continue doing what you are doing.” (Sahih Muslim).
The two hadeeths above are self explanatory and so we should try and implement this forgotten Sunnah to reunite the families, there are great rewards for reconciliation.
Charity to Poor Relatives
Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Charity towards a poor person is charity, and towards a relation is both charity and maintaining the ties (of kinship)“.(Tirmidhi)
Relatives have the first right for our charities.
May Allah give us the hidaya to be dutiful to our parents to be good to our spouses and to do Silah-Rahmi with our relatives.
TIPS FOR THE TEST
Do not have to memorise the ayahs or hadeeths word for word and their references, but remember their meanings and the msg being given.
Remember the Virtues and rewards
ASSIGNMENT
There will be an Assignment Question asked in the Test. Marks will be given based on the following: -
Implement any 5 of the Sunnahs covered in week 2. (10 Marks)
Talk about any 5 Sunnahs covered in this week’s classes with atleast 3 people. 10 Marks.
Inform a minimum of 15 friends/family about LEARN ISLAM (we have around 30 courses for adults and along with courses for children, all for free and certificates are also given) 5 Marks.
Pray for the Ummah at the Sunnah times mentioned in Class 4, pray for the ease of all the poor & oppressed Muslims and pray that Allah make us all strong in imaan and give us the hidayah to work for the aakhirah and to help each other. Pray for this applying any three Sunnahs from class 4. - 5 Marks
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