TERM 2 - etiquette ii - CLASS 4
THE MUSLIM HOME
The home is a blessing.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And Allaah has made for you in your homes an abode…” [al-Nahl 16:80]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Here Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, is mentioning His complete blessing to His slaves: He has given them homes which are a peaceful abode for them, to which they retreat as a haven which covers them and gives them all kinds of benefits.”
What does the home represent to each one of us? Is it not the place where he eats, enjoys intimacy with his wife, sleeps and rests? Is it not the place where he can be alone and can meet with his wife and children?
Is the home not the place that offers cover and protection to women? Allaah tells us (interpretation of the meaning): “And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance…” [al-Ahzaab 33:33]
If you think about those who are homeless, who live in shelters, or on the streets, or as refugees scattered in temporary camps, then you will realize the blessing of having a home. If you listen to a distressed homeless person saying, “I have nowhere to settle, no fixed place to stay. Sometimes I sleep in so and so’s house, sometimes in a café or park or on the sea-front, and I keep my clothes in my car”, then you will realize the disruption that results from not having the blessing of a home.
When Allaah punished the Jews of Banu Nadeer, He took away this blessing and expelled them from their homes, as He said (interpretation of the meaning): “He it is Who drove out the disbelievers among the people of the Scripture (i.e. the Jews of the tribe of Banu al-Nadeer) from their homes at the first gathering.” Then He said: “… they destroyed their own dwellings with their own hands and the hands of the believers. Then take admonition, O you with eyes (to see).” [al-Hashr 59:2].
There are many motives for the believer to pay attention to putting his house in order.
Protecting himself and his family from the Fire of Hell.
The great responsibility borne by the head of the household on the Day of Reckoning.
The home is a place to protect oneself, to keep away from evil and to keep one's own evil away from people. It is the refuge prescribed by Islam at times of fitnah (strife, tribulation).
People usually spend most of their time at home, especially when it is very hot or very cold, when it is raining, early or late in the day, and after finishing work or school, so this time should be spent in worship and halaal pursuits, otherwise it will be spent in wrongdoing.
Most importantly, paying attention to the home is the most important means of building a Muslim society, because the society is formed of the households and families that form its building blocks. Households form neighbourhoods, and neighbourhoods form societies. If the building blocks are sound, the society will be based on the laws of Allaah, standing firm in the face of enemies and filled with goodness that evil cannot penetrate. Then Muslim homes will produce pillars of society who will reform and guide it aright, such as exemplary dai’yahs, seekers of knowledge, sincere mujaahideen, righteous wives, caring mothers and all other types of reformers.
What are the means of reforming our homes?
The following contains advice on this topic. May Allaah benefit us from it, and cause the Muslims to focus their efforts on reviving the Muslim home.
All the following advice revolves around two things: achieving our interests, which is by establishing that which is right and good, and warding off evil, by removing that which can cause it or bring it into our homes.
FORMING THE HOUSEHOLD
Making a good choice when choosing a partner
This has been covered in the previous classes.
Striving to guide one’s wife
If one's wife is righteous, this is a blessing indeed, and this is from the Bounty of Allaah. If she is not that righteous, then it is the duty of the head of the household to strive to guide her.
There are various means of guiding or reforming one’s wife, such as:
Paying attention to correcting her worship of Allaah in all its aspects, as will be discussed in detail below.
Striving to strengthen her eemaan, such as:
Encouraging her to pray at night (qiyaam al-layl)
Encouraging her to read Qur’aan
Encouraging her to memorize adhkaar and remember the appropriate times and occasions for saying them
Encouraging her to give charity
Encouraging her to read useful Islamic books
Encouraging her to listen to useful Islamic cassettes that can increase knowledge and strengthen eemaan – and continuing to supply her with them.
Choosing good, religious friends for her, with whom she can form ties of sisterhood and have good conversations and purposeful visits.
Protecting her from evil and blocking off all avenues for it to reach her, by keeping her away from bad companions and bad places.
Making the home a place for the remembrance of Allaah
The Prophet ﷺ said: “The likeness of a house in which Allaah is remembered and the house in which Allaah is not remembered is that of the living and the dead, respectively.”
We must make our homes places where Allaah is remembered in all kinds of ways, whether in our hearts, verbally, during prayer, by reading Qur’aan, by discussing Islamic issues, or by reading different kinds of Islamic books.
Make your homes a qiblah
What is meant is taking the home as a place of worship.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We inspired Moosa and his brother (saying): ‘Take dwellings for your people in Egypt, and make your dwellings as places for your worship, and perform al-salaah, and give glad tidings to the believers.’” [Yoonus 10:87].
Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “They were commanded to take their dwellings as places of prayer [lit. mosques].”
Spiritual training for the members of the household
‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ used to pray qiyaam at night, and when he prayed witr he would say, ‘Get up and pray witr, O ‘Aa’ishah’” (Reported by Muslim)
The Prophet ﷺ said: “May Allaah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses he throws water in her face.” (Reported by Ahmad).
Encouraging the women of one's household to give charity is another means of increasing faith. This is something very important which the Prophet ﷺ encouraged, when he said, “O women! Give in charity, for I have seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari).
Paying attention to adhkaar and Sunnah du’aa’s that have to do with the home
This has been covered in class 6.
Continuously reciting Soorat al-Baqarah in the house to ward off the Shaytaan
There are a number of ahaadeeth concerning this, such as:
The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: “Do not make your houses into graves. The Shaytaan flees from a house in which Soorat al-Baqarah is recited.” (Reported by Muslim, 1/539)
ISLAMIC KNOWLEDGE IN THE HOME
Teaching the family
This is an obligation which the head of the household must undertake, in obedience to the command of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones…” [al-Tahreem 66:6]. This aayah is the basic principle regarding the teaching and upbringing of one's family, and enjoining them to do what is good and forbidding them to do what is evil.
Start building an Islamic library in your home
Another thing that will help in teaching your family and letting them develop a understanding of their religion and help them adhere to its rules, is having one’s own Islamic library at home. It does not have to be extensive; what matters is choosing good books, putting them in a place where they are readily accessible, and encouraging family members to read them.
Home audio library
Having an audio player in every home may be used for good or for evil. How can we use it in a manner that is pleasing to Allaah?
One of the ways in which we can achieve this is to have a home audio library containing good Islamic tapes by scholars, fuqaha’, lecturers, khateebs and preachers. Listening to tapes of Qur’aan recitation by some Imaams, for example those recorded during Taraaweeh prayers, will have a great impact on family members.
Inviting good and righteous people and seekers of knowledge to visit the home.
“My Lord! Forgive me, and my parents, and him who enters my home as a believer, and all the believing men and women…” [Nooh 71:28 – interpretation of the meaning].
If people of faith enter your home, it will increase in light (noor), and will bring many benefits because of your conversations and discussion with them. The bearer of musk will either give you some, or you will buy from him, or you will find that he has a pleasant scent. When children, brothers and parents sit with such visitors, and women listen from behind a curtain or screen to what is said, this offers an educational experience to all. If you bring good people into your home, by doing so you keep bad people from coming in a wreaking havoc.
Learning the Islamic rulings with regard to houses.
These include:
Praying in the house
With regard to men, the Prophet ﷺ said: “The best of prayer is a man’s prayer in his house – apart from the prescribed prayers.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari).
With regard to women, the deeper inside her home her place of prayer is, the better, because the Prophet ﷺ said: “The best prayer for women is [that offered] in the furthest part of their houses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani).
Seeking permission to enter.
“… so enter houses through their proper doors…” [al-Baqarah 2:189 – interpretation of the meaning].
Telling children and servants not to barge in to the parents’ bedroom without permission
It is forbidden to look into the houses of other people without their permission. The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: “Whoever looks into someone’s house without their permission, put his eyes out, and there is no diyah or qisaas [blood money or retaliation] in this case.” (Reported by Ahmad).
One should not stay alone overnight in the house. Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet ﷺ forbade being alone and said that a man should not stay overnight alone or travel alone. (Reported by Ahmad).
MEETINGS AT HOME
Creating opportunities for meetings to discuss family matters.
“… and who (conduct) their affairs by mutual consultation…” [al-Shoora 42:38 – interpretation of the meaning]. This is a time when the family members can sit together in a suitable place to talk about issues within and without the family that affects them. This is a sign of strong ties, interaction and cooperation within the family. No doubt the man is the one whom Allaah has appointed to be in charge of his “flock’s” affairs and he is primarily responsible and is the decision maker, but giving room to others to contribute – especially when the children get older – is good training for them to learn to bear responsibility, as well as giving everyone the confidence of knowing that his or her opinion is valued when they are asked to express their points of view. The father or mother may open the discussion with words such as “When I was your age…” This will have a great effect in making what they say acceptable to the youngster. Lack of such frank discussions will force the children to talk to bad companions, which leads to so many other evils.
Not showing family conflicts in front of the children.
It is rare for people to live together under one roof without any arguments, but reconciliation is better and correcting oneself is a virtue. What shakes the unity of the family and harms its infrastructure is when conflicts are brought out into the open before the members of the family, who then split into two or more opposing camps, not to mention the psychological harm that is done to children, especially little ones.
Not letting into the house anyone whose commitment to Islam is not pleasing to you.
The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: “The likeness of a bad companion is like the one who works the bellows” (narrated by Abu Dawood, 4829). According to a report narrated by al-Bukhaari, he said, “the one who works the bellows will burn your house or your clothes, or you will smell a bad odour from him.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 4/323). Indeed, he will burn your home with all kinds of corruption and evil. How often has the entry of corrupt and suspicious people into a home been the cause of enmity among the family members, or of division between husband and wife. Allaah curses the one who turns a wife against her husband, or a husband against his wife, or causes enmity between a father and his children.
Taking careful note of what family members are up to.
Who are your children’s friends?
Have you met them before?
What do your children bring home from outside?
Where does your daughter go, and with whom?
Some parents do not know that their children have in their possession bad pictures, pornographic movies and even drugs. Some of them do not know that their daughter goes with the (female) servant to the market, then asks the servant to wait with the driver whilst she goes to her appointment or “date” with one of the shayaateen (devils), or to smoke and mess about with her bad friends. Those who neglect their children will not be let off on that terrible Day, nor will they be able to flee from the horrors of the Day of Reckoning. The Prophet ﷺ said:“Allaah will ask every shepherd (or responsible person) about his flock (those for whom he was responsible), whether he took care of it or neglected it, until He asks a man about his household.” (Reported by al-Nisaa'i, 292).
There are some important points to note here:
This supervision must be subtle.
There should be no terrorizing atmosphere
The child must not be made to feel that he or she is not trusted.
Advice and/or punishments must be measured against the ages of the children, their levels of understand and the extent of the wrongful behaviour.
Beware of negative methods of checking on children and making them feel that their every move is being watched.
Paying attention to children at home.
Teaching them to memorize Qur’aan and Islamic stories. There is nothing more beautiful than parents and children coming together to read Qur’aan, with a simple commentary, offering rewards for memorizing passages.
It is also a good idea to make a corner where children can practice hobbies such as carpentry, electronics and mechanics, or play some permissible computer games.
Joking and showing affection.
The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ used to play with children and pat their heads; he would speak to them in a kind and gentle manner, giving the littlest one the first fruit, and even letting them ride on his back sometimes.
Being strict in adhering to a schedule for meals and bedtime.
Some houses are like hotels where the people who live there hardly know one another and hardly ever meet.
Some children eat whenever they want and sleep whenever they want, which leads to them staying up late and wasting their time, or eating on a full stomach. This chaos leads to a weakening of family ties and a waste of time and energy, and exacerbates the lack of discipline among family members.
Confidentiality: keeping family secrets.
This includes a number of things, including:
Not disclosing intimate secrets.
Not disclosing marital conflicts.
Not disclosing any secrets the exposing of which could cause harm to the family or to any of its members.
GOOD MANNERS AT HOME
Spreading kindness in the home
‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said: ‘When Allaah – may He be glorified – wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.’” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad). According to another report: “When Allaah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.” (Reported by Ibn Abi al-Dunya). In other words, they start to be kind to one another. This is one of the means of attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very beneficial between the spouses, and with the children, and brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as the Prophet ﷺ said: “Allaah loves kindness and rewards it in such a way that He does not reward for harshness or for anything else.” (Reported by Muslim).
Helping one’s wife with the housework
Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this work.
The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ, however, used to “sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad).
Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family.
The Prophet ﷺ also said: “Everything in which Allaah’s name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: a man playing with his wife…” (Reported by al-Nisaa'i).
Resisting bad manners in the home.
Every member of the household is bound to have some bad characteristics, such as lying, backbiting, gossiping and so on. These bad characteristics have to be resisted and opposed.
Some people think that corporal punishment is the only way to deal with such things. The following hadeeth is very educational on this topic: from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “If the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ came to know that one of his household had told a lie, he would try to ignore him until he repented.” (Imaam Ahmad, 6/152).
“Hang up the whip where the members of the household can see it.” (Reported by Abu Na’eem in al-Hilyah, 7/332; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, no. 1446).
Hinting at punishment is an effective means of discipline, so the reason for hanging up a whip or stick in the house was explained in another report, where the Prophet ﷺ said: “Hang up the whip where the members of the household can see it, for this is more effective in disciplining them.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani)
Choosing a good location and design of home.
No doubt the true Muslim pays attention to the choice and design of a home in ways that others do not.
With regard to location, for example:
The home should be close to a mosque.
The home should not be in a building where there are immoral people, or in a compound where kuffaar live.
The house should not overlook others or be overlooked; if it is, he should put up curtains and make walls and fences higher.
He should pay attention to the matter of segregating men and women when non-mahrams come to visit.
The toilets should not be sited in such a way that one faces the qiblah when using them.
Choosing a spacious house with plenty of amenities. This is for a number of reasons:
“Allaah loves to see the signs of His blessings on His slave.” (Hadeeth narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2819. He said: This is a hasan hadeeth).
Paying attention to health-related matters such as ventilation, natural light and so on.
These matters depend on financial ability and feasibility.
Evils in the Home
Beware of non-mahrem relatives entering upon women when their husbands are absent.
Men and women should sit separately during family visits.
Be aware of the dangers of having male drivers and female servants in the house.
Kick immoral people out of your houses.
Beware of the dangers of TV.
Beware of the evils of the telephone.
You have to remove everything that contains symbols of the false religions of the kuffaar or their gods and objects of worship.
Removing pictures of animate beings.
Do not allow smoking in your homes.
Do not keep dogs in your homes.
Avoid too much decoration in your homes (keep it simple).
★ STUDY TAFSIR | TAWHEED | FIQH | HADEETH ★
A Free online Islamic Course starting 10th Feb.
Get a Certificate signed by Sheikh Yasir Al Jabri
Available through Facebook, Whats-app & Email
HOW TO JOIN / FAQs : -
www.learn-islam.org/terms-intro