Class 3
FIQH OF MARRIAGE
CHOOSING | NIKAH | WALIMAH | INTIMACY
HALF YOUR DEEN
Most decisions affect a few years of our lives. Marriage affects decades, often more than half the lives. It influences a person's faith, happiness, children, home environment, and even their Hereafter.
Prophet ﷺ said, “Whoever gets married has completed half of his deen — so let him fear Allah in the remaining half.” (Al-Bayhaqi & Al-Tabarani; Graded Hasan by Al-Albani)
Half the deen. Not a fraction of it. Not a recommended bonus. Half. The Prophet ﷺ is telling us that marriage is not merely a social arrangement or a legal contract. It is a transformative act of worship — one that restructures your responsibilities before Allah, reshapes your character, and anchors your spiritual life in the deepest way possible.
That is precisely why it must be done right. The wrong choice of spouse, the wrong contract, the wrong understanding of what comes after — these do not just affect your happiness. They affect your deen aswell.
For this reason, Islam gives more guidance regarding marriage than many people realize.
Unfortunately, many people spend months planning a wedding but very little time preparing for a marriage. When a wedding lasts a day. A marriage may last a lifetime.
The believer therefore asks: "How can I begin this journey in a way that is most pleasing to Allah?"
This class gives you the complete Fiqh of this monumental event: how to choose, how to contract, how to celebrate, and how to begin.
SELECTING THE RIGHT PERSON
WHAT THE SUNNAH SAYS TO LOOK FOR
Now that we have seen how much importance Islam has accorded to marriage and marital life you would perhaps ask, how come we see so many couples that are sad, so much abuse, depression, loneliness amongst couples. The most common answer is that it might be a test from Allah, but more often then not these are a result of choices we make.
If we are giving precedence to
Rich over righteous
Qualified over knowledgeable in Deen
Status over character
…we are bound to face troubles, if we are searching for happiness in these things it will be short-lived.
So the most important question is “Who to Marry?” or “How do we select a spouse? What are the guidelines provided by Islam in this regard? Do we look for some particular characteristics or just try to get the best from the worldly point of view?”
First and foremost remember, TO GET FATIMA, YOU HAVE TO BE ALI (and Vice Versa) meaning we have to be good ourselves to get a good spouse, as Allah says,
“Indecent woman are for indecent men and indecent men are for indecent woman. Decent women are for decent men and decent men are for decent women. The decent people are innocent of what people allege. They will receive mercy and honorable sustenance”. (Surah An-Nur Ayah 26)
So before everything we got to correct ourselves for His Sake and then pray to Allah for the best!
CHOOSING A WIFE
The Prophet ﷺ said, “A woman is married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her deen. Choose the one with deen — may your hands be in the dust if you don't.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
The Prophet ﷺ did not say the other three qualities are irrelevant. He acknowledged that people consider them — and they may. But he warned with language that is almost harsh: tarribat yadak — may your hands be in the dust — if deen is not the deciding criterion. This is not a preference. It is a warning against building your home on sand.
The logic is simple: wealth diminishes, beauty fades, lineage is inherited not earned. But a person of deen and character grows more beautiful with time — they become a better parent, a more faithful spouse, a stronger partner for the journey to Allah. That is who you build a life with.
Character and Behavior
Character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. One of the important issues of character in the spouses is the quality of wudd. This means kindness and lovingness and compassion. The Prophet ﷺ said: "Marry the loving/friendly, the child-bearing for I shall outstrip the other nations with your numbers on Qiyamah." [Ahmad, Abu Dawud and others and it is Sahih]
Beauty
This characteristic has a certain role to play since one of the purposes of marriage is to keep both spouses from sins. The best way to do this is to have a strong attraction between the spouses. Although this is something which surely grows over time, initial impressions can in some cases become an obstacle to a successful marriage. The Prophet ﷺ said: "Go and look at her for it is more likely to engender love between the two of you." [Ahmad and others and it is sahih]
'Umar ibn Al-Khattab once said: "Do not force your young girls to marry an ugly man, for they also love what you love."
Beauty has its role, but remember that it is way down on the priority list under piety, character and deen. When a person puts beauty above all else, the results can be disastrous.
Choosing the Mother (for your children)
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Marry women that are loving and fertile for indeed I will outnumber the nations through you.” [Reported by Abu Dawood]
On the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim]
CHOOSING A HUSBAND
One of the ways in which Islam has honoured woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father's wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes. There are many sahih hadeeths that support the woman in this sensitive issue.
The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behavior, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society: The Prophet ﷺ said, "If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah anmischief will become widespread on earth.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani).
Recommended steps to take before Marriage
The following are important steps not only for those interested in getting married but also for any others involved in the process of facilitating a marriage. The entire process, in order to be successful with Allah's blessing, should be proper and consistent with the teachings of the Quran and the Sunnah. All other endeavors will or can lead to misery and discord.
They should make du'a to Allah for a pious spouse who will aid them in their Islam and worship. They should be very patient. The process of marriage may take a long time especially in areas where Muslims are a small minority.
Both spouses should seek to get married purely for Allah's pleasure and in order to fulfill the purpose of marriage in Islam.
Both should pray istikhara to seek Allah's counsel.
Both must put full trust in Allah that if they do everything properly and in accordance to the Shari'a that Allah will bless them with a good spouse and that any other approaches are falsehood and will not lead to Allah's blessing and success in marriage.
If a person has Muslim parents, they should seek their help in finding a spouse. If not, they should seek help from married Muslim men and women.
When a person is found, they should seek advice from various parties familiar with the person.
They should see the prospective spouse and perhaps speak with them (not alone).
One should ask relevant questions and make clear the Islamic foundation of the marriage.
Before the marriage contract, all dealings should be with the wali, and no attempt should be made to strike up a relationship with the future spouse before the marriage.
They should avoid all of the innovations surrounding marriage which are so widespread among the Muslims.
The Khitbah
Engagement Is a Promise, Not a Contract
The Khitbah is a declaration of intent to marry — not a binding contract: no Nikaah rights, no permissibility of Khalwah, no relaxation of the rules of non-Mahram interaction. The couple are not yet husband and wife in any sense.
No proposal over another’s proposal: ‘A man must not propose over the proposal of his brother.’ (Bukhari & Muslim). Once a proposal has been made and seriously considered, a third party may not approach until it is formally rejected.
The engagement ring: has no basis in the Sunnah as a religious requirement. Click here to read more about this.
Breaking the engagement: permissible for either party with no sin, though it should be handled with honesty and dignity. Gifts exchanged are generally returned — the majority position. Click here to read more.
THE NIKAAH CONTRACT
THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTRACT OF YOUR LIFE
The Nikaah is not a formality. It is not a ceremony. It is a contract — with Allah as its witness, with defined pillars that make it valid or invalid, with rights and obligations that begin the moment the words are spoken. Most Muslims have attended dozens of Nikaah ceremonies without understanding what actually makes one valid. Here is the Fiqh.
The Five Pillars of a Valid Nikaah
1. Offer & Acceptance (Eejaab & Qabool). The bride's guardian makes the offer; the groom accepts — in the same sitting. 'I give her to you' / 'I accept.' Both parties must be explicitly identified. No ambiguity permitted.
The Woman cannot be forced into marriage and her permissions is needed. The Prophet ﷺ said: "A previously married woman should not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin should not be married until her permission is sought." (Bukhari & Muslim)
2. The Wali (Guardian). The bride must have a male guardian. Order: father → grandfather → brother → son → paternal uncle. A Nikaah without a Wali is invalid — majority position. Evidence: 'There is no Nikaah without a Wali.' (Sunan Abu Dawud No. 2085, Sahih by Al-Albani). If no Muslim Wali exists, the Islamic judge (Qadi) or a trusted Islamic authority acts as Wali.
3. Two Muslim Witnesses. Two adult, sane Muslim men must be present and hear the offer and acceptance. Their presence makes the contract valid and the marriage announced. 'There is no Nikaah without a Wali and two trustworthy witnesses.' (Al-Bayhaqi, graded Sahih by Al-Albani)
4. The Mahr (Dowry). The Mahr is the wife's sole right — not her family's, not her father's. It must be agreed upon. No minimum or maximum in Shari'ah, but simplicity is the Sunnah. It may be prompt (paid immediately - preferred) or deferred (a debt payable on demand or at divorce/death). It must be recorded.
5. Announcement (I'laan). The Nikaah must be made publicly known. Secret marriages are impermissible. 'Announce this Nikaah.' (Sunan Ibn Majah, Hasan by Al-Albani). The Walimah serves as the primary announcement.
The Nikaah Khutbah
It is Sunnah to deliver Khutbat Al-Haajah before the contract — the specific Khutbah taught by the Prophet ﷺ himself. It begins with three Quranic ayaat: Al-Ahzab 33:70-71, Al-Nisa’ 4:1, and Al-‘Imran 3:102. (Sunan Abu Dawud No. 2118 | Graded Sahih by Al-Albani). It is Sunnah, not a condition of validity — the Nikaah is valid without it. But abandoning it strips the event of one of its most beautiful Prophetic dimensions.
THE WALIMAH
THE SUNNAH WEDDING FEAST
The Prophet ﷺ said, “Hold the Walimah even if it is with a single sheep.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
Ruling: Sunnah Mu’akkadah — the Hanbali school and a group of scholars consider it Wajib based on the Prophet’s consistent practice.
Timing: Day 1 is most recommended. Within three days of consummation is the established Sunnah. (Ibn Al-Qayyim, Zad Al-Ma’ad, Vol. 5, p. 170)
The poor must be invited: ‘The worst of food is the food of a Walimah to which the rich are invited and the poor are excluded.’ (Bukhari & Muslim). The Walimah is an act of communal celebration, not social display.
Extravagance is contrary to the Sunnah: a single sheep is enough. The meaning of the Walimah is in the gathering, the gratitude, and the du’a — not the budget.
THE WEDDING NIGHT
THE ISLAMIC BEGINNING
The wedding night is one of the most anticipated and least prepared-for events in a Muslim’s life. Most young couples enter it with knowledge shaped by everything except the Sunnah. The Prophet ﷺ — in his characteristic directness — gave us precise, practical, and beautiful guidance. He was not embarrassed by this topic. Neither should we be.
The Du’a of the Husband
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ خَيْرَهَا، وَخَيْرَ مَا جَبَلْتَهَا عَلَيْهِ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّهَا، وَشَرِّ مَا جَبَلْتَهَا عَلَيْهِ
“Allahumma inni as’aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi wa a‘oodhi bika min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi
“O Allah, I ask You for the good in her and the good You have created in her nature, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil You have created in her nature.” (Sunan Abu Dawud & Sunan Ibn Majah; Graded Hasan by Al-Albani)
This du'a is said by the husband, gently placing his hand on the wife's forehead. It is an act of profound spiritual significance — the marriage begins not with desire but with a request to Allah. The groom asks not for beauty or obedience but for her goodness and protection from harm. That is the Islamic way of beginning a life together.
Offering Two Rakahs
Some scholars regarded it as mustahabb to pray two rak‘ahs before consummating the marriage with the wife, but that is not narrated in the Sunnah of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). Rather it is narrated that some of the Sahaabah (may Allah be pleased with them) did that.
Intimacy Within Marriage
The Islamic Framework
The Du’a Before Intimacy
بِسْمِ اللَّهِ، اللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا الشَّيْطَانَ، وَجَنِّبِ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْتَنَا
“In the name of Allah. O Allah, keep Shaytaan away from us, and keep Shaytaan away from what You bless us with.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
This du’a is said before marital relations. The wisdom is layered: it begins the most intimate act of marriage with the name of Allah, it expels Shaytaan from this sacred space, and it carries a specific promise for any child conceived — Shaytaan will not be able to harm them. This is not superstition. This is a Prophetic guarantee. Say it every single time.
Marital intimacy is an act of Ibadah: the Prophet ﷺ said: ‘In the sexual act of each of you there is a Sadaqah.’ The Companions asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah, will one of us get reward for fulfilling his desire?’ He ﷺ replied: ‘Do you not see that if he were to do it in a haram way he would be sinful? So if he does it in a halal way, he is rewarded.’ (Sahih Muslim). The body, within marriage, becomes a site of worship.
Gentleness and kindness are obligatory: the Prophet ﷺ emphasised foreplay (‘ilibation’) before relations. Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim wrote in Zad Al-Ma’ad (Vol. 4, p. 243): ‘It is Makruh to have relations without prior intimacy and affectionate talk, as this harms the wife.’ The husband’s obligation includes her emotional and physical comfort, not just his own satisfaction.
Her pleasure is his responsibility: Islamic scholars from all four madhabs explicitly discuss the wife’s right to sexual satisfaction. Scholars state that a husband who consistently neglects his wife’s fulfilment is sinful. This is not a modern conversation — classical Islamic scholarship addressed it centuries ago.
The first night and inexperience: firstly it is not mandatory to have it on the first night, it is purely on the couple if they are comfortable they can do it if not they can wait. Many couples feel anxiety, fear, or uncertainty. This is normal. The Sunnah of gentleness, patience, and beginning with du’a and conversation is precisely designed for this. Neither spouse should feel that the first night defines the marriage. It is the beginning of a journey, not a performance.
Rulings of Intimacy
What is permitted between spouses: all sexual acts between husband and wife are permissible except anal intercourse — explicitly prohibited. (Sunan Abu Dawud No. 2162, Sahih by Al-Albani).
Intimacy during menstruation is prohibited. (Quran — Al-Baqarah 2:222).
All other forms of intimacy — in any position, at any time outside the prohibited periods — are permitted.
Click here to read more about intimacy in Islam
COMMON BID’AHS OF MARRIAGE & WEDDINGS
Wedding ceremonies are perhaps the single richest breeding ground for bid'ah in the entire Muslim community — because the emotional investment is highest, the cultural pressure is deepest, and the desire to please family can quietly override the desire to please Allah.
COMMON BID’AHS OF MARRIAGE — AVOID THE FOLLOWING
Mixed-gender celebrations with free mixing, dancing, and music — the most commonly normalised sin in Muslim wedding culture.
Mehndi, Mayoon, Dholki, and similar pre-wedding ceremonies given religious or compulsory status — purely cultural with no Shar’i basis. And some of these are adopted from non-Muslim cultures and so are not allowed
Jahez (dowry demanded from the bride’s family) — a cultural oppression with no Islamic basis whatsoever. In Islam, the Mahr flows from husband to wife, not the other way. This is from Non-Muslim cultures.
Selecting wedding dates based on astrology or ‘auspicious’ days — this is Shirk in its application.
Elaborate ring ceremonies, kneeling proposals, and rituals imported wholesale from non-Muslim traditions.
Photography and videography where male photographers photograph non-Mahram women without modesty — the act of photography in itself is a separate scholarly discussion, but these specific violations are clearly wrong.
Throwing confetti, rice, or items over the couple as a ritual of blessing — no Sunnah basis.
Carrying Quran over the head of the Bride - Clear Bidah.
Please join our free online certificate course “BETTER HALF… BETTER LIFE”, to learn more about Etiquette of Marital Life, how to deal with conflict and more. https://learn-islam.org/better-half-better-life (available online now, register and learn).
Note this are not part of the ongoing course, it is an independent course that can be done at your own pace and at your own convenience.
TIPS FOR THE TEST
Do not have to memorise the ayahs or hadeeths word for word and their references, but remember their meanings and the msg being given.
Remember the rulings.
Remember the Duas.
ASSIGNMENT
There will be an Assignment Question asked in the Test. Marks will be given based on the following: -
I. Invite atleast 10 people to the course (can invite via WhatsApp, Facebook, Email, telegram or word of mouth) 4 Marks. (check the note below for exceptions)
Note:
Those who have already invited whether on Whatsapp, Email or FB, do not need to invite again.
It does not matter, whether people join or not, our job is to invite.
II. Talk to 3 people (friends or family) about any three topics from the course - (5 Marks)
III. Pray for the Ummah, pray for the ease of all the poor & oppressed Muslims and Maghfirah of the Muslims who passed away. Pray that Allah make us all strong in imaan and give us the hidayah to work for the aakhirah and to help each other. - 1 Mark
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