TERM 2 - etiquette ii - CLASS 5
RELATIVES & NEIGHBORS
The Relatives
Unfortunately this is one widespread evil in the Ummah. Severing of ties. So many people are not intalking terms with their brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles etc what ever may be the reason but it is a sin and a serious one at that.
A Muslim is required to maintain a good relationship with his relatives. In Islamic terms, 'Silah-Rahimi' is used to denote 'good treatment towards the relatives'.
In the Qur'an Allah tells us: "Give your relatives their due…" (17:26)
"Allah commands justice, kindness and giving to near relatives…." (16:90)
"…And show kindness to your parents and to near relatives…" (4:36)
So it is obligatory upon everyone to treat their relatives in the best possible manner, and to support them in accordance with their needs, and what they seek of help and support. And this is what is necessitated by the Sharee’ah (Islamic Law), the ‘aql (sound reasoning) and the fitrah (natural state). And there are many textual evidence encouraging the joining of relations. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Whosoever believes in Allah and the Last Day let him keep the ties of relations.” - Related by al-Bukharee.
Unfortunatly, many people do not fulfill this haqq (right) and transgress the bounds concerning this. Some of them do not seek to join ties with relatives or show kindness to them; neither through wealth, nor through good behavior, nor through the giving of occasional gifts and presents, nor through rendering help to them in their times of need. Indeed, many days or months may pass without even seeing or visiting them. And sometimes, rather than seeking to join ties of relations, some people even intend to sever such ties, by seeking to harm their relatives – either through words, or action, or both. Such people only even keep close ties with those who are not relation, yet cut off ties with relatives!
Some people only keep ties of relations with those who maintain ties with them, but cut off from those who cut off from them. Such people are not truly the waasils (those who keep ties of relations), but rather they are those who do so based on tit for tat. So they will only keep ties with those who keep ties with them – whether relative or other than them. However the waasil (one who keeps ties of relations) is the one who keeps ties of relation for the sake of Allah – regardless of whether his relations keep ties with him or not.
The sayings of Allah’s Messenger Muhammad ﷺ are replete with virtues of joining the ties of relations and helping relatives. We are encouraged to visit our relatives, inquire about their circumstance, spend on them, give them Sadaqa (voluntary charity) if they are poor, assist them in any reasonable way and the most important is to show love and affection to them.
In the Quraan, where the Muslims are enjoined to show kindness to parents, they are also required to treat other relatives with love and sympathy and to pay due regard to their rights as well.
Fulfilling the Rights of Relatives
It is related by Anas (RA) that the Allah’s Messenger Muhammad ﷺ said "Whoever wants an increase in his sustenance and that the marks of his feet remain for a long time in the world (i.e. to live long) - he should be kind and helpful to his relatives."
Family quarrels, which generally arise from the disregard of the relatives' rights, affect a persons health and causes friction in homes and in the community at large. Those who treat their relatives well and are helpful to them, are free from tensions and they are happier and more peaceful.
Violation of Relatives' Rights
The Prophet ﷺ has said "Whoever violates the rights of relatives, shall not go to Paradise."
It shows that the violation of the relatives' rights is so detested by Allah, that with its filthiness, no one can enter Paradise. It is only when a person (believer) has received his punishment or has been forgiven, that the gates of Paradise will be opened for him.
Showing Kindness to Those Who Severe Relations
Often,there are people who care little for the bonds of relationship and are rude and unjust in this respect. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has enjoined to continue to treat them well and fufil the obligations, irrespective of what they do and how they behave.
Abdullah ibn Umar (RA) relates from the Prophet ﷺ, "He does not fulfill the claim of Silah-Rahimi [one who keeps the ties of relations] who shows no kindness in return for the kindness shown to him. The person who really fulfills the claim is he who treats his relatives well even when they are mean and unjust to him."
A man asked: O Messenger of Allaah ﷺ, I have relatives with whom I maintain ties of relations, yet they cut-off from me. I treat them kindly, yet they treat me in an evil manner. And I am forbearing and patient with them, yet they behave rudely and ignorantly towards me. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: "If the situation is as you say, then it is as if you are filling their mouths with sand. And Allaah will continue to aid and support you as long as you continue doing what you are doing." Related by al-Bukharee.
When the violation of the rights of relatives is returned in a similar manner, then evil spreads in society - But if it is returned with kindness, it may lead to their correction and it will assist in the promotion of Silah-Rahimi, in the life of the community.
As we know, Islam enjoins us not only to be good to those who are good to us, but also to be good to those who are not good to us. This shows exemplary moral character according to the standard of Islam.
And the most important aspect of fulfilling the rights of relatives... It is a means to Allah’s happiness!
Some practical Tips to Promote Family Relations:
Visit them often - do not wait for “occasions” e.g. deaths, marriages etc.
Invite them home.
Always show love even if your relatives do not do the same.
Always make Dua [pray] for them.
Give them gifts - Spend on them according to your means.
Help them in need and sympathise with them on sad occasions.
Share happy moments and occasions with them.
Avoid backbiting - It is the main cause of friction.
Always talk positively about them and do not look down upon them.
Occasionally give them a call to enquire about their welfare.
Do not compete with them in material pursuits.
Always be a well-wisher of your Relatives.
Plan ways to improve and strengthen relations.
Neighbours (Neighbourhood)
A Muslim should maintain good relations with his relatives, but he should not unjustly favor them over others. Further, a Muslim must be good to his neighbors, no matter their religion. But the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us that a "neighbor" is not just the one next door but includes all those up to forty houses in all directions - effectively a whole neighborhood.
A Muslim recognises the rights of a person over his neighbours, as well as the etiquette that the neighbours must share with respect to one another. They must fulfill those aspects completely. Allah has said in the Qur’an:
“… And do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger…” (4:36)
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said:
“Gabriel (Jibreel) kept advising me concerning the neighbour to the point that I thought he would inherit (from his neighbour)” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should be generous to his neighbour.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Returning his greetings and accepting his invitations
Although this is a general right for all Muslims, it is even more important with regards to neighbors, as it has a good effect in spreading amiability and affection.
He should never harm his neighbor, neither by action nor by speech.
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbour.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
There is also the following Hadith: “By Allah, he is not a believer, by Allah, he is not a believer.” It was said to him, “Who is that, O Allah’s Messenger ﷺ?” He said, “The one from whose affairs his neighbour is not safe.”
Harming the neighbour includes:
There are various things such as blocking his passage, blocking his car, throwing ones trash infront of the neighbours door, Playing loud music (playing Music in it self is Haraam but disturbing the neighbours with it means it has various sins in one music, dsturbance, sinning openly etc), the worst of the lot can be looking at their women.
In apartments the people staying above the others are not considerate about the disturbance their movements, kids jumping around etc could cause the one living below specially late nights when it is quite.
One should demonstrate goodness towards one’s neighbor
By helping them when they seek help, assisting them if they seek assistance, visiting them when they fall ill, congratulating them if something pleasing occurs to them, giving them condolences upon afflictions, helping them if they are in need, being the first to greet them, being kind in speech to them, being gentle in one’s speech tot the neighbour’s children, guiding them to what is best for their religion and worldly life, overlook their mistakes, not attempt to look into their private matters, not constrain them due to one’s building or renovations or along the walkway, and not to harm them by letting one’s trash onto their property or in front of their household. All of those actions form part of the goodness that one is ordered to perform.
And in Allah’s Messenger ﷺ words: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should do well to his neighbour.” (Muslim)
He should be generous to his neighbours by extending any type of kindness and goodness to them
As the Prophet ﷺ said: “O Muslim women, none of you should look down upon a gift she receives from a female neighbour, even if it be a meatless foot of a sheep.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ also said to Abu Dharr (R.A.) “O Abu Dharr, when you prepare stew, increase its water and deliver it to some of your neighbours.” (Muslim)
When Aa’isha (R.A.) told Allah’s Messenger ﷺ that she had two neighbours and wanted to know which of them to give a present, he ﷺ said: “The one whose door is closest to yours.” (Al-Bukhari)
Concealing his secrets and guarding his honor
This is one of the most sacred of rights. Due to living in the same neighborhood, the neighbor may know some secret matters of his neighbor; he should accustom himself to concealing these secrets with the intention that if he does so Allaah The Almighty would conceal his secrets in the worldly life and the Hereafter. However, if he reveals such matters, then, he is subjecting himself to be repaid with the same kind of treatment. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And your Lord is not ever unjust to [His] servants.} [Quran 41:46]
In the pre-Islamic era, the Arabs would boast about guarding their neighbors’ honor. ‘Antarah said: “I lower my gaze if my [female] neighbor comes out until she returns into her dwelling.”
There was a Muslim poet who said, “My [female]neighbor is not harmed if I am her neighbor and her house has no curtains, as I behave as if I am blind when she comes out until the shelter conceals her.”
Two important points
A Muslim knows whether he has treated his neighbour well or if he wronged them. When Allah’s Messenger ﷺ
was asked about that, he said: “If you hear them saying, ‘You have done well’, then you have done well. If you hear them saying, ‘You have done evil’, then you have done evil.” (Ahmad)
If a Muslim is harmed by his neighbour, he should be patient as this will be a cause for the problem to end. A man came to Allah’s Messenger ﷺ to complain about his neighbor and he ﷺ told him: “To be patient." The third or fourth time he complained, Allah’s Messenger ﷺ told him to put his belongings in the path. He did so and when the people tried to pass by it, they would ask why he did that and he would say that his neighbour had harmed him. They would then curse that neighbour until the neighbour said to him, ‘Take back your belongings to your place, as, by Allah, I will not repeat what I have done’.” (Abu Dawud)
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was told of a woman who prayed during night and fasted a lot during day and gave alms generously, but whose neighbors complained of her abusive tongue. He said that she would be in Hellfire. When Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was told of another woman who did not do all those extra acts of worship other than just compulsory (Wajib) but whose neighbors were happy with her, he said that she would be in Paradise. Thus we see the importance of being good to our neighbors, both in actions and words.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ on the rights of the neighbour, said: "It is to help him if he asks your help, to lend him if he asks to borrow from you, to satisfy his needs if he becomes poor, to console him if he is visited by an affliction, to congratulate him if is met with good fortune, to visit him if he becomes ill, to attend his funeral if he dies, not to make your house higher than his without his consent lest you deny him the breeze, to offer him fruit when you buy some or to take it to your home secretly if you do not do that, nor to send out your children with it so as not to upset his children, nor to bother him by the tempting smell of your food unless you send him some."
Non-Muslim Neighbours
Last but not least, we have to fulfil the rights of a neighbour even if they are non-muslim but there is one added responsibility on us for them. To call them to Islam.
This neighbor has one right, the right of being a neighbor. And he has the right of your naseehah, and your sincere want for him to embrace Islaam. The neighbor who is a disbeliever has the right to be called to Islaam, and to be taught Islaam, and for Islaam to be explained to him.
Whenever 'Abdullaah ibn 'Amr Al-'Aas used to slaughter and eat meat, he would ask about his Jewish neighbor, and would order for some of the meat to be sent to his Jewish neighbour. And he said, "Verily I heard the Prophet ﷺ say, 'Jibreel kept giving me testimony concerning the neighbour until I believed that he would inherit from me.'" (Bukhaari and Muslim, also from the narration of 'Aa`isha and Ibn 'Umar).
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