Class 5
TAKING ADVICE
Importance of seeking advice
As a Muslim we should be more keen on taking advices then giving them. Consulting is a crucial matter, and Allah the Almighty described the believer saying: “And consult them in the affairs” (Aal-’Imran, 159)
Hence, Allah the Almighty orders the Prophet ﷺ to consult his companions. Let me ask here: who is the prophet? He is the best of mankind, the most beloved creature to Allah, the one who is gifted with shrewdness, the best of Adam’s sons, the one whom revelation was sent upon, and he is the infallible, yet, and despite all these characteristics and privileges, he is ordered by Allah to consult his companions, Allah said: “…they conduct affairs by mutual consultation.” (42:38).
Imam Al-Shafi’i said: “I’ve never seen someone keener on consulting his companions than the Prophet ﷺ.”. Below are a few examples…
With Istikhaara
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught istikhara as a crucial part of decision-making. Alongside istikhara, one should consult trusted and righteous individuals in their life about decisions.
Al-Nawawi said: “It is mustahabb, before praying Istikharah, to consult someone whom you know is sincere, caring and has experience, and who is trustworthy with regard to his religious commitment and knowledge. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and consult them in the affairs” [Al ‘Imran 3:159]”
He ﷺ took advice from his wives
When the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ had important matters to handle, he would sometimes turn to his family for their opinion. He used to ask his wives for advice and respected their thoughts and opinions. For example he ﷺ took the advice of Umm Salamah R.A. at the time of Treaty of Hudaibah.
He ﷺ consulted his Sahaba
The Prophet ﷺ consulted with the wise and knowledgeable men among his companions, he would consult Abu Bakr and ‘Umar first, because they were the first to speak about matters of Islam in the presence of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) before the rest of his companions; for example when he consulted them about the prisoners of Badr
Or when the battle of Badr became inevitable Prophet Muhammad ﷺ turned to consult with the leaders of his army, what is now known today as a “council of war.”
True believers accept advice
A sign of a true believer in Allah and His Messenger ﷺ is that they wholeheartedly accept sincere advice and counsel. Yes, there are prescribed etiquette for advising, but we must reflect on why advice is defied. Rejecting advice was the reason for the destruction of many nations mentioned in the Quran. We need to cleanse our lenses and be emotionally mature to be able to receive advice.
We build strong fortresses to stay in our ‘bubble’ from what we perceive as ‘unsolicited advice’. However, we forget that our Deen is defined as sincere advice.
Sahabah asked for counsel
If we embrace this subculture of privacy stemming from individualism, the system of sincere advice and enjoining good and forbidding evil will collapse. The strong walls of psychological defence mechanisms won’t let us prosper in this world or the Akhirah. Today when we reflect upon the lives of the most honourable, high-achieving Sahabah, we see a side we never saw earlier: seeking advice. Their Taqwa levels were never shallow enough to reject advice.
We can see in a many Ahadith where the Sahabah said ‘counsel me’. There are numerous instances when they actively sought advice: during battles, while travelling, before and after marrying, regarding children and especially regarding salvation. Sermons, Quran lessons and Khutbahs should also highlight that. We must break free from our fears about our relationships and social issues to truly understand the value of sincere counsel.
But we dislike being advised
“And he [i.e., Ṣāliḥ] turned away from them and said: O my people, I had certainly conveyed to you the message of my Lord and advised you, but you do not like advisors.” (Al-Araaf 7:79)
We all dislike advice
If we ponder upon this ayah we can think of all the times we had rejected advice in the name of privacy concerns. Have we not told others to paddle their own canoe, resenting being advised? The famous statement ‘Mind your own business’ demonstrates our sheer dislike for advice.
How NOT to React to Advice
Here are 10 common ways describing how not to respond to advice.
1. Responding with disregard
A common example of this today is the reply of “whatever” which is essentially another way of saying “I don’t care”. It is the exact opposite sentiment that we should express, which is that of deep concern.
2. Responding by deflecting the matter upon the one giving advice
An example of this is by saying “says you!” or “look who’s talking!” or “what about when you did such-and-such?”
Instead of considering the advice that is given, the responder deflects away from it and turns upon the advisor.
This is exactly how Pharoah responded to Moses, when he was advised to let the Children of Israel go. “He said: And [then] you did your deed which you did, and you were of the ungrateful.” Quran, 26:19
Rather than accepting the sincere advice given, he retorted by commenting on what Moses had previously done.
Let us not follow in the footsteps of one of the most wretched human beings that ever walked this Earth.
3. Responding by falsely claiming not to be able to change
Usually the claim of “I can’t” is in reality a stance of “I don’t want to”.
This is common in matters of addiction, such as smoking or drinking alcohol. When advising someone to give up this habit, their addiction prevents them from accepting such advice.
Or it may be simply due to pride, as it requires humility to accept advice from others.
There is an example of this in the life of the Prophet ﷺ himself when he advised a boy to eat with his right hand.
Salamah bin Al-Akwa’ (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:My father said that a person ate in the presence of Messenger of Allah ﷺ with his left hand. He ﷺ said, “Eat with your right hand”. He said, “I cannot do that.” Thereupon he ﷺ said, “May you never do that.” It was pride that prevented him from doing it. And he could not raise it (the right hand) up to his mouth afterwards” (Sahih Bukhari)
We need to be mindful of falling victim to our desires, and even more so of being overcome by our ego. Both ailments make accepting advice extremely difficult.
4. Responding with anger
An example of this is by saying “Who are you to say that to me!”
There is not a more atrocious example of such anger than that of the ignorant polytheists of Quraysh. When the Prophet ﷺ used to advise them to worship only Allah, many of them would be outraged at the mere suggestion.
5. Responding with justification
When Iblīs was commanded to prostrate to Adam, he refused. Allah asked him:
[Allah] said, “What prevented you from prostrating when I commanded you?”
[Satan] said, “I am better than him. You created me from fire and created him from clay.”
He attempted to justify his behaviour. The reality is that there was no justification, it was only his pride and arrogance that prevented him, as Allah confirms in the next passage:
[Allah] said, “Descend from Paradise, for it is not for you to be arrogant therein. So get out; indeed, you are of the debased” Quran, 7:13
Let us do away with any ego whenever we are advised.
6. Responding by blaming others
Not only did Iblīs justify his disobedience, but he had the audacity to blame Allah for it! He said:
[Satan] said, “Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them on Your straight path. Quran, 7:16
We can at times fall into this trap, preferring to blame others instead of ourselves to divert any criticism away from ourselves.
7. Responding with excuses
Following the same story, let us now consider how our father Adam and our mother Hawā responded when Allah called out to them:
“Did I not forbid you from that tree and tell you that Satan is to you a clear enemy?”7
If there was any time to offer an excuse, this was it. Allah Himself blamed Iblīs for what occurred, when He said: But Satan caused them to slip out of it and removed them from that [condition] in which they had been. Quran, 2:23
And: So he (Satan) made them fall, through deception. Quran, 7:22
But despite this, there was no excuse given, only total acceptance of responsibility and full ownership of accountability: They said, “Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers.” Quran, 7:23
So, the lesson here is that even when there are excuses available, do not entertain them. Rather, acknowledgement of the mistake is far better.
8. Responding with procrastination
We can look again at the example of Pharoah. He was advised for years to take heed, but refused to do so, procrastinating until the very end.
Let us respond immediately to the advice we are given, and let it not wait until tomorrow.
9. Responding with belittlement
An example of this is when a particular action is called out, the person responds defensively saying “it’s only such-and-such”. In other words, this person does not consider it a serious matter.
Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, warned us against this very attitude when he said: “You people do (bad) deeds (commit sins) which seem in your eyes more minute than [a] hair… while we used to consider those (very deeds) during the life-time of the Prophet ﷺ as destructive sins.”
It is crucial that we take every piece of advice seriously, regardless of how trivial Iblīs may try to make it seem to us.
10. Responding with defiance
Refusal to accept advice can be devastating. When Noah advised his son to join the ark, he refused and denied the coming reality that he was warned of.
And it sailed with them through waves like mountains, and Noah called to his son who was apart [from them], “O my son, come aboard with us and be not with the disbelievers.”
[But] he said, “I will take refuge on a mountain to protect me from the water.” [Noah] said, “There is no protector today from the decree of Allah, except for whom He gives mercy.” And the waves came between them, and he was among the drowned. Quran 11:42-43
Let us heed this lesson, the next advice that we are given may be the very thing that we require for salvation.
Tips for Receiving Advice
Swallow your pride and try to stay humble. Remember that you are not being attacked. Actually listen to what the person is saying.
Be willing to improve yourself, as nobody is perfect. We are all on our own unique journeys in life, and being stagnant isn’t healthy.
Always seek to improve yourself; listening to (kind) advice from those close to us can be a great start.
Be kind and appreciative. Appreciate that this person cares enough to try and help you.
A true friend is the one who tells you that you have spinach in your teeth, not the one who ignores it and leaves you walking around like a mess all day.
Be open-minded. Your friendly adviser may have a perspective you haven’t thought of before.
Say “thank you,” even if you’re not going to follow the advice. There is no obligation for you to follow every piece of advice you have been given, but keep the peace.
Why we dislike advice
Let’s explore a few possible psychological reasons that cause a person to reject or defy sincere advice from a learned person. I have personally observed this attitude in people during community mental health work and a few clients who struggled with family relations:
Psychological reasons
The Illusion of Control. People like to feel in control, even if they’re not. When you give someone advice, it feels like you are taking away their sense of control.
Feeling Unheard. They feel like their problems are being unheard, ignored and invalidated.
Denial. They go in denial because it is too hard to handle for them.
Rationalization. This is the most common defence mechanism used in Muslim households when they counsel each other. Justifying actions has become common: children rationalize their misdeeds in front of parents and teachers; husband and wife justify how fair they are with each other. If we always put ourselves in a favourable light, claiming we are right and everyone else in the family is wrong, a substantial part of our life will be spent defying sincere advice from our closest circle.
Love for the Dunya. An example can be seen from the hadeeth in Bukhari where the Prophet ﷺ said that there would be among his ummah those who would allow zina, silk, alcohol and musical instruments, and he said that they would be transformed into monkeys and pigs. Another example is seen where people try and make all sorts of excuses to convince themselves and others that they don’t have a choice and that is why they have taken a riba based loan.
Arrogance. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Arrogance is one who disregards the truth and looks down upon people.”(Abu Dawood)
Disregard The Prophet ﷺ said, “The most hated of speech to Allah is when one man says to another, ‘Fear Allah,’ and the other says, ‘Mind your own business!’”
Spiritual Reasons
Ignorance about Allah.
Ignorance about the Prophet ﷺ and his Sunnah.
Ignorance of rulings.
TIPS FOR THE TEST
Do not have to memorise the ayahs or hadeeths word for word and their references, but remember their meanings and the msg being given.
Remember the etiquette & methods.
ASSIGNMENT
There will be an Assignment Question asked in the Test. Marks will be given based on the following: -
I. Invite atleast 10 people to the course (can invite via WhatsApp, Facebook, Email, telegram or word of mouth) 4 Marks. (check the note below for exceptions)
Note:
Those who have already invited whether on Whatsapp, Email or FB, do not need to invite again.
It does not matter, whether people join or not, our job is to invite.
II. Talk to 5 people (friends or family) about any three topics from the course - (5 Marks)
III. Pray for the Ummah, pray for the ease of all the poor & oppressed Muslims and Maghfirah of the Muslims who passed away. Pray that Allah make us all strong in imaan and give us the hidayah to work for the aakhirah and to help each other. - 1 Mark
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