TERM 2 - etiquette ii - CLASS 8
ETIQUETTE OF CORRECTING
The Prophet’s Methods for Correcting People’s Mistakes
Teaching people is one of the greatest good deeds whose benefits spread to others. It is the daiy’ahs’ and educators’ share of the heritage of the Prophets and Messengers. “Allaah and the angels, and even the ant in its nest and the whale in the sea will pray for the one who teaches people the ways of good.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi) There are different types and ways of teaching, with different means and methods, one of which is correcting mistakes. Correcting mistakes is a part of education; they are like inseparable twins.
Dealing with and correcting mistakes is also a part of sincerity in religion (naseehah) which is a duty on all Muslims. The connection between this and the concept of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, which is also a duty, is quite obvious (but we should note that the area of mistakes is broader than the area of evil (munkar), so a mistake may or may not be evil as such).
It is not just for Scholars and Daaees but everyone of us are responsible and can or have to give advise & correct their children, relatives, friends, colleagues etc so it is a must for all of us to learn this to have more chances of effecting the person being advised and making it more rewardable InshaAlah.
Points to be noted when dealing with mistakes
Before we embark on our discussion we should note some issues and considerations that we should bear in mind before and when dealing with and correcting the mistakes of others.
Sincerity towards Allaah
When correcting the mistakes of others, it is essential that one’s intention be to earn the pleasure of Allaah, not to demonstrate one's superiority or to vent one’s anger or to impress others.
Making mistakes is part of human nature
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Every son of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi)
Bearing this fact clearly in mind will put things into their proper perspective, so the educator should not expect people to be perfect or infallible or judge them according to what he thinks they should be, and then consider them to have failed if they make a big mistake or err repeatedly. He should deal with them in a realistic manner, based on his knowledge of human nature which is subject to ignorance, negligence, shortcomings, whims and desires and forgetfulness.
Saying that someone is wrong should be based on shar'i evidence and proper understanding, not on ignorance and that fact that one happens not to like it.
The more serious a mistake is, the more effort should be made to correct it
Efforts to correct mistakes that have to do with ‘aqeedah should be greater than those to correct mistakes that have to do with etiquette, for example. The Prophet ﷺ was intensely concerned about dealing with and correcting mistakes that had to do withshirk in all its forms, because this was the most important matter.
Taking into account the position of the person who is striving to correct the mistake
Some people’s advice may be more readily accepted than others’ because they have a status that others do not, or because, unlike others, they have authority over the person who has made the mistake, for example, a father with his child or a teacher with his student or a government official with the one whom he is inspecting. One who is older is not like one who is younger, a relative is not like a stranger, a person with authority is not like one with no authority. Understanding these differences will make the reformer put things into perspective and evaluate them properly, so that his rebuke or correction will not lead to a greater evil. The position of the one who is rebuking and the esteem in which he is held by the one who has made the mistake are very important in judging how strong the rebuke should be and deciding how harsh or gentle the tone should be. From this we learn two things:
Firstly, that the person to whom Allaah has given status or authority should use that to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and to teach people. He should understand that he has a great responsibility because people will accept more from him than from other people – usually – so he can do more than others can.
Secondly, the person who seeks to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil should not misjudge the situation and put himself in a higher position than is in fact the case and behave as if he has qualities that he does not have, because this will only put people off.
Making a distinction between one who errs out of ignorance and one who errs despite his knowledge
The ignorant person needs to be taught; the one who has doubts needs to have things explained to him; the negligent person needs to be reminded; and the one who wilfully persists in error needs to be warned. It is not right to treat one who knows about a ruling and one who is ignorant of it in the same manner when rebuking them. Treating one who does not know too harshly will only put him off and make him refuse to follow your advice, unlike teaching him with wisdom and gentleness, because an ignorant person simply does not realize that he is making a mistake.
Distinction between mistakes stemming from an honest effort to find out what is right and mistakes done deliberately
There is no doubt that in the first case, a person is not to be blamed; indeed he will earn one reward even if he is mistaken, so long as his intention was sincere and he tried to reach the right conclusion, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a ruler judges and strives to make the right decision, and his decision is correct, he will have two rewards, and if his decision is wrong, he will still have one reward.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi,)
Being fair and not being biased when correcting those who make mistakes
Sometimes, when a relative or friend makes a mistake, a person does not rebuke him as he would a person whom he does not know, so one may see unIslamic bias or discrimination in his dealings because of this, and a person may turn a blind eye to his friend’s mistake while harshly criticizing another person.
Being careful lest correcting one mistake leads to a bigger mistake
It is a well-established fact that Islam allows the lesser of two evils in order to repel a greater evil. So a da’iyah may keep quiet about one mistake lest saying something lead to a more serious mistake.
Understanding the human nature from which the mistake sprang
There are some mistakes which can never be fully eradicated, because they have to do with the way Allaah has created people.
Making a distinction between mistakes that transgress the limits of Islam and mistakes that only affect other people
If Islam is dearer to us than our own selves, we must defend it and protect it and get angry for its sake more than we get angry for our own sakes and defend our own selves. It is a sign of not having religious feelings if we see a man getting angry for his own sake if someone insults him, but not getting angry for the sake of Allaah’s religion if anybody insults it; at most, we may see him feebly defending it in an embarrassed manner.
He S.A.W. never got angry for himself nor did he avenge himself. It was for Allah’s sanctity and religion that he always showed anger.
Taking into account a person’s situation as regards status and authority
Rebuking a youngster who makes a mistake should be done in a manner appropriate to the child’s age.
Also take into consideration the following points: -
A good intention on the part of the one who makes the mistake does not mean that he should not be rebuked
Making a distinction between the one who makes mistakes repeatedly and the one who is making a mistake for the first time
Making a distinction between the one who frequently makes mistakes and the one who rarely does so.
Making a distinction between the one who makes mistakes openly and blatantly, and one who tries to cover up his mistakes
Paying attention to cases where a person’s adherence to Islam may not be strong and his heart needs to be opened to the religion, so we should not be too harsh with him
Not occupying oneself with putting the symptoms right whilst neglecting to deal with the cause of the mistake
Not exaggerating about the mistake
Not going to extremes to prove the mistake happened or trying to force an admission of guilt from the one who made the mistake
Allowing enough time for correcting the mistake, especially in the case of one who has been accustomed to doing it for a long time, whilst still following up the matter and continuing to advise and correct
Not making the one who makes the mistake feel like an enemy, because the aim is to win people over, not score points against them
Now we will move on to our discussion of the methods used by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when dealing with the mistakes of people, as recorded in the saheeh ahaadeeth narrated by the scholars.
The Prophet’s methods of dealing with people’s mistakes
Hastening to deal with people’s mistakes and not putting it off
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to hasten to deal with people’s mistakes, especially when it was not right for him to delay doing so at the moment when this was needed.
Referring people back to Islam when they make mistakes, and pointing out to them the principle that they are breaking
When someone is indulging in a mistake, the Islamic principle is far from their minds and is lost in the clamour of the moment. In such cases reiterating the Islamic principle and announcing it loudly can be an effective way of stopping the person in his tracks and making him wake up from the stupor that has overtaken him.
Correcting misconceptions that are due to something not being clear in people’s minds
Mistakes generally come about as a result of misconceptions; if the ideas are put right, mistakes will decrease.
Showing compassion to the one who is making a mistake
This applies in the case of those who deserve compassion, who feel remorse and show that they have repented, as is sometimes the case when people come to ask questions and find out
Not hastening to tell someone he is wrong
A person who is seeking knowledge should not be too hasty to condemn any opinion that differs from that with which he is familiar; he should first be sure of what he is saying, because that opinion may turn out to be a valid scholarly opinion.
Remaining calm when dealing with people’s mistakes
Especially when being too harsh could make matters worse and do more harm than good. We can learn this from looking at how the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) dealt with the mistake made by the Bedouin who urinated in the mosque, as was reported by Anas ibn Maalik, who said: “Whilst we were in the mosque with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), a Bedouin came and stood urinating in the mosque. The Companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Stop it! Stop it!’ But the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Do not interrupt him; leave him alone.’ So they left him until he had finished urinating, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called him and said to him, ‘In these mosques it is not right to do anything like urinating or defecating; they are only for remembering Allaah, praying and reading Qur’aan,’ or words to that effect. Then he commanded a man who was there to bring a bucket of water and throw it over the (urine), and he did so.” (Saheeh Muslim, no. 285)
Explaining the harmful effects of the mistake
Explaining bad effects and negative consequences is very important when it comes to convincing people that they are making a mistake. The consequences may affect the person himself, or they may spread to other people.
Offering a sound alternative
In the case of some da’iyahs and people who seek to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, we notice that there is a shortcoming in their methods when they denounce some of the mistakes that people make. They only point out the mistakes and denounce them as haraam, without offering an alternative or explaining what must be done if one makes a mistake. It is known that the method of Islam is to offer alternatives to make up for any benefits that may have been gained through the haraam practice. When zinaa (fornication, adultery) was forbidden, marriage was allowed and prescribed; when ribaa (usury, interest) was forbidden, trading was allowed; when pork, dead meat and the flesh of every creature that has fangs or talons were forbidden, the meat of properly-slaughtered cattle and other animals was allowed, and so on. If a person does fall into error, Islam shows him the way out, through repentance and expiation, as is explained in the texts on kafaaraat(acts of expiation).
Not confronting people directly with their mistakes and addressing the issue in general terms may be sufficient
There are many examples, all of which indicate that the identity of the person who has made the mistake need not be exposed. This indirect approach and avoiding a direct confrontation has a number of benefits, including the following:
It avoids a negative reaction on the part of the person who has made the mistake, and prevents him from being tempted by the Shaytaan to avenge himself or defend himself.
It is more acceptable to people and is more effective.
It conceals the person’s mistake in front of other people.
It increases the status of the educator and makes the advisor more beloved.
Provoking public opinion against the one who has made the mistake
This method is only to be used in very limited circumstances, when a great deal of thought has been given to the matter, to avoid any negative escalation of the situation.
Asking the person to stop doing the wrong action
It is very important to make the person stop the wrong deed so that it does not get any worse and so that there is no delay in the denunciation of evil.
‘Umar reported that he said, “No, by my father.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Stop! Whoever swears by something other than Allaah, is guilty of shirk.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad)
Showing one’s anger about a mistake
When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw or heard about a mistake, he would show his anger, especially if it had to do with matters of belief (‘aqeedah).
Boycotting the one who has made a mistake
This is one of the effective methods used by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) especially when a very serious mistake was made, because of the far-reaching effect that a boycott has on the person concerned.
Persuading a person that he is making a mistake
Engaging in a discussion with a wrongdoer with the aim of convincing him may lead to the removal of the blinkers over his eyes and bringing him back to the Straight Path.
Making a person understand that his flimsy excuse is not acceptable
Some people who make mistakes try to offer made-up, unacceptable excuses, especially when they are caught red-handed. Indeed, some of them may appear to be stammering when they give their flimsy excuses, especially those who are not good at lying because they are basically good at heart.
Denouncing only the mistake whilst accepting the rest
It may be the case that not all of what a person says or does is wrong, so it is wise to limit our denunciation only to that which is wrong, and not to generalize by condemning everything that is said or done as being wrong
Other methods of Prophet ﷺ: -
Speaking bluntly to a person about the mistake he is making
Guiding people to that which will prevent them from making mistakes
Practical teaching of the one who is making a mistake
In many cases practical teaching is more effective than theoretical teaching.
Explaining the seriousness of the mistake
Dealing with mistakes by explaining the ruling (hukm)
Dealing with mistakes by repeatedly reminding people to fear Allaah
WHEN DEALING WITH TWO PEOPLE
Addressing both parties in cases where the blame is shared. In many cases, the blame is shared and the person who makes a mistake may himself have been wronged, but the blame is not to be shared equally. In this case both parties must be addressed and advised.
Asking the person to forgive the one who wronged him
Reminding a person of the good qualities of the one whom he has wronged, so that he will regret what he has done and will apologize
Intervening to calm people down and put a stop to the fitnah (discord) between those who are making mistakes
Conclusion
Correcting mistakes is obligatory and very important. It is part of naseehah (giving sincere advice) and forbidding what is evil, but it should be remembered that Islam is not only about forbidding what is evil; we are also commanded to enjoin what is good.
Education and training are not merely the matter of correcting mistakes; they also involve teaching and showing the basic principles of religion and the rules of sharee’ah, and using various methods to establish these concepts firmly in people’s minds and hearts, by example, by exhorting them, by telling stories, by discussing incidents, etc.
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