Class 4
BEST OF YOU
PEOPLE OF FAMILY
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“The best of you is the one who is best to his womenfolk, and I am the best of you to my womenfolk.”
(al-Tirmidhi; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani)
Marital Bliss is a Goal of the Shariah
Islam stresses the principle of marriage to form a family and considers it one of the most meritorious acts as well as one of the practices of Allah’s prophets and messengers.
Amongst the countless and greatest blessings that Allah ﷻ has bestowed upon us, the Qur’an mentions, are love and tenderness which He has placed between spouses:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
(Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
There are many other ahadeeth that state the importance of finding conjugal happiness within the folds of marriage. The Prophet ﷺ himself said,
“This whole world is an enjoyment, and its best enjoyment is a righteous wife” [Muslim].
“From this world, women and perfume have been made beloved to me, but the coolness of my eyes comes from prayer” [al-Bukhari].
Allah states,
“They are your garments, and you are their garments” [al-Baqarah; 187].
Combining between the various explanations of this beautiful metaphor found in the books of tafseer, we can derive many meanings from it:
The act of procreation is so intimate that it is literally as if one of the spouses covers up the other, just as clothing covers up one’s body. Another expression that the Qur’aan uses for the sexual act is the verb ghashsha, which means ‘to cover up, to envelop’.
One primary purpose of clothing is to conceal one’s nakedness, since this nakedness (or `awrah) is embarrassing to display, and should be hidden from the eyes of others. Similarly, each spouse conceals the other spouse’s faults, and does not reveal them to others.
Clothing protects one from the external elements, such as heat and cold. Similarly, spouses protect one another from external desires that originate from many different sources. By satisfying these desires within the confines of marriage, external passions are removed.
Clothing is the primary method through which humans beautify themselves. Without clothing, one is incomplete and naked. Similarly, spouses beautify and complete one another; when a person is not married, he or she is not yet complete and has not reached his or her full potential.
Reminders for the Husband to be good with his wife
The husband is given great rights over his wife but has been reminded by Allah and His Messenger ﷺ to be good with his women.
It is unfortunate to see men who are seen as really good and honorable men by many but in their homes and behind closed doors they are abusive and take undue advantage of the power and responsibility Allah has bestowed upon them.
Husbands should fear Allah, may He be exalted, with regard to their wives, and they should realise that Allah, may He be exalted, has commanded them to have a good attitude towards his wife, be kind to her and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning)
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women,…..” (Surah Nisa, Ayah 34)
“…and live with them honourably.” [al-Nisa 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
And the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ‘Be kind to women.’ (Bukhari & Muslim).
This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.
It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 2340)
Not harming her, not only includes the physical harm, but husband's should make sure that she is not harmed psychologically. Unfortunately we see men exploiting the power bestowed by Allah upon them as a husband and abuse their wives with constant rejection, reviling, allowing his relatives to oppress her.
The Prophet ﷺ said,
‘Indeed you have rights upon your women and they have rights upon you.’(Tirmidhi, declared Hasan by Albaani)
‘A believing man should not hate a believing woman, if he dislikes a mannerism of hers, he will be pleased with another mannerism.’ (Sahih Muslim)
The Prophet ﷺ as a Husband
The Prophet ﷺ accomplished the happiness to his wives; that is because he knew how to deal with women and he penetrated deeply into her sensitive soul and went on apostrophizing her with the warmth of passion and assisted her to work for her religion and her life.
We will list below a few of his actions
Pampering his wives
Showed love
Praised them
Acknowledge them and their efforts
Good companionship
Consulted them and took advice
Playful with them and enjoyed their company
Showed patience and was always just
Spending quality time
Physical touch and gestures like leaning on their lap.
Forbearing and letting go of things when needed and disciplining when needed.
Spreading a happy vibe in the house.
Role of a wife to have blissful marriage
The first thing a woman should remind herself is that she is doing it for the Sake of Allah, being dutiful to the husband not only brings in peace and tranquillity in the marriage but also is the best way to enter paradise.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“If a woman does her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter whichever of the gates of Paradise you want.” (Ahmad, classed as hasan by Albani)
“Shall I not tell you about your women in Paradise?” He ﷺ said: “The loving and fertile one who, if she gets angry or is mistreated or her husband gets angry says, ‘Here is my hand in your hand, I shall not sleep until you are pleased.’” (Tabarani, classed as hasan by Albani)
And it was narrated from Husayn ibn Muhsin (may Allah be pleased with him) that his paternal aunt went to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ concerning some need and he met her need, then he ﷺ said: “Do you have a husband?” She said: Yes. He ﷺ said: “How are you with him?” She said: I do what he tells me, except what is beyond me. He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.” (Ahmad; classed as Sahih by Albani)
Attributes of the Righteous Wife
Devotion and obedience to Allaah, the Most High
Obedience to her husband
That she guards and preserves herself and her honour, in the absence of her husband
Serving her husband.
Keeping the husbands secrets.
She should appear before the husband in the best appearance,
She should not spend any of his wealth or her wealth except with his permission.
She should not permit anyone to enter her husbands house except with his permission.
She should not ask her husband for divorce without a reason necessitating that.
Avoidance of cursing.
Being thankful to the husband for the good he does and for his good treatment of his wife.
She should not remove her clothes outside her husbands house.
Striving to please the husband by every possible means.
“The best of you is the one who is best to his womenfolk”. Why?
Till now we learnt, the best are those who learn the Quran & teach it or the ones that are best in character. These two are clearly commendable and not that easy to achieve. But why did the Prophet ﷺ say being good with the womenfolk would make us amongst the best?
It is because Shaitaan loves discord between spouses and he tries his best to cause as much fitnah as possible. The man has been given so much power and authority over his womenfolk but when he still treats them the best he can, the man defeats shaitaan.
As we read above, a woman can enter Jannah because of a content husband and the husband can enter Jannah because of treating his family with love and respect, this is the ultimate loss of our enemy - Iblis.
Allaah’s Messenger ﷺ said: Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments [for creating dissension]; the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him, embraces him and says: ‘You have done well. (Sahih Muslim)
Allah hates Divorce
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: "The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce. " (Ibn Majah & Abu Dawood)
Also the Prophet ﷺ said:
“If anyone corrupts (instigates) the wife of a man or his slave (against him), he is not from us”. (Abu Dawood, classed as Sahih by Albani)
“Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” (Sunan Ibn Majah).
Not only is divorce loved by Shaytan, but more importantly, divorce is hated or detested by Allah (Most High). Therefore, one should try to avoid it as much as possible. One should make every effort to mend the marriage. However, if despite one’s best efforts there is no way to reconcile, then divorce is permitted as a last resort.
Shaitaan Loves Discord between Spouses
So to Iblis (Satan/Shaytan/the accursed devil) there is an ultimate goal considered most beloved and pleasing to him. Because of the fact that this bond [between husband and wife] is from the most beloved affairs to Allaah and His Messenger, it is from the most hated affairs to the enemy of Allaah [i.e. shaytaan]. Therefore he hastens to split two people who love another for the sake of Allaah.
This Hadith mentioned above provides a serious reminder to Muslims that they must not allow the insinuations and whispers of Shaytan to dictate their behaviour. Rather, Muslims should learn and follow the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ.
Additionally, it is important for the Muslim to remain vigilant regarding the Shaytan. Consequently, one must recognise that not everything that occurs to him is in fact his own analysis. As such, very often the Shaytan is planting destructive thoughts in his mind in order to destroy the relationship.
So a small and almost insignificant issue could blast a major fight and disagreement between couples that last for days or even months.
There is a very important message here. Unity is power. The unity of the ummah would be a major source of power. The first step to weaken the ummah is to weaken and break family ties, create disagreements between husbands and wives and then disagreements between family members. When one is having disagreement at home, do you think he/she will be in a good mood to deal with others peacefully outside of home? Probably not. Frustration will impact everything else and lead to more corruption. More disagreements and fights outside of home will probably occur as well.
And these are the footsteps of Satan that Allah instructed us not to follow…
“O you who have believed, do not follow the footsteps of Satan. And whoever follows the footsteps of Satan – indeed, he enjoins immorality and wrongdoing. And if not for the favor of Allah upon you and His mercy, not one of you would have been pure, ever, but Allah purifies whom He wills, and Allah is Hearing and Knowing.” (Qur’an 24: 21)
The purpose of the marriage is to find tranquility, peace, affection and mercy. The opposite of that is when home starts becoming a battlefield of hate, tension and discomfort.
Satan is highly interested in slowly but surely breaking up the family because the family is the foundation of the ummah and a strong united family will lead to a strong united ummah.
Don’t allow Satan to inflict your ego or let you create negative hateful imaginary scenarios in your head and heart about your spouse. Don’t let him and don’t follow those whispers. Seek Allah and His Protection and He will guide you and descend peace upon you.
Please join our free online certificate course “BETTER HALF… BETTER LIFE”, to learn more about Etiquette of Marital Life, how to deal with conflict and more. https://learn-islam.org/better-half-better-life (available online now, register and learn).
Note these are not part of the ongoing course, it is an independent course that can be done at your own pace and at your own convenience.
May Allah protect all the Muslim families and give Hidayah to all men and women to be kind to each other and treat each other with love & respect, so that they find peace and tranquillity in their marriages.
TIPS FOR THE TEST
Do not have to memorise the ayahs or hadeeths word for word and their references, but remember their meanings and the msg being given.
Remember the individual roles & responsibilities.
Remember the sins and their effects
ASSIGNMENT
There will be an Assignment Question asked in the Test. Marks will be given based on the following: -
Invite atleast 15 people to the course (can invite via WhatsApp, Facebook, Email, telegram or word of mouth) 3 Marks. (check the note below for exceptions)
Note:
Those who have already invited whether on Whatsapp, Email or FB, do not need to invite again.
It does not matter, whether people join or not, our job is to invite.
Implement any 3 of the deeds covered from week 1. (5 Marks)
Talk about any 3 topics covered in this week’s classes with atleast 3 people. 5 Marks.
Pray for the Ummah, pray for the ease of all the poor & oppressed Muslims and pray that Allah make us all strong in imaan and give us the hidayah to work for the aakhirah and to help each other. Pray for this applying any three Sunnahs from class 4. - 2 Marks
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